The Chatter box

Junkiri [Tamang] was just back from the prayer room and then was busy telling a long story to Radha, Chhaya and Dibya. She was busy telling her story to these teen girls just outside the prayer room. It was the evening time. I had gone to play outside with other friends of mine and now came back looking for Dibya and Junkiri; they were my close friends at that time frame.

As I told you Junkiry was was busy telling them story, what she had seen in her mind, while she was praying, which lasted only a little more than a ten minutes . But then, she has been telling this story to these girls for more than 20 minutes now. This baffled me. The main hero of her story was a guy named Govinda and he was all over in her story as he was doing all the heroic act in her, perhaps she was mixing some Hindi movies masala here, that too she had not got a chance to see more than five by now. In fact five is too high number for anybody growing up in Bal Mandir. She must not have crossed more than three by that time. But her imagination knew no bounds to keep these girls busy in her narration. In this story she was the lead character and then the boy named Govinda was paired with her as her love interest. The boy, saved her from all the troubles, she went through. She in fact was the princess of the sea world and then there were villains, who without a doubt were the housemothers or the supervisor at the Bal Mandir. She even had told these girls that, “you know, you Radha was dancing, moving your head beautifully behind that tree and you Chhaya and Dibya were singing the song, she was dancing and it was very very beautiful song.”

Govinda, was a boy with a small head and his color was  dark. He was lean and thin boy. He probably was studying in ninth or tenth grade then.  I just could not see, what Junkiri used to see; any thing that is called attractive in him. But to her he was the most attractive person, so she choose him to be there in her story.

As she was telling her story I got impatience. Ever since I was a child I never liked  fiction made up story just gets in to my nerve and cant enjoy it anymore not even today. I like only real story that has touch in reality. So wanted to leave them with her imaginary world ; but before I left I said, “how come your imagination is longer than the pray itself ?” she did not pay much attention to what I said, but Radha didi, did not like what I said, so she said to me, from her behalf; “see, not every one can elaborate story like her, and at the same time keep busy others in her talk. Its her art, that's she is good at. Can you do this ?” I just stared here and then decided to leave them in that meaningless fiction world of hers; which only made me wonder as a teenager.

Hallucination : Hallucinations involve sensing things that aren't there while a person is awake and conscious. Just a couple of weeks back, I find myself talking to experts of the spacial school. A friend of mine, runs a special school for differently abled  children along with his wife. His wife is in fact, expert in real sense in this field. Because my friend wanted me to write, designing and consult on other aspects of making a brochures for his school that required me to listen to him and the other experts of his school and then to his wife. More I listened to them, more it got me wonder. Or to be honest, it make me understand some of my childhood friends in a lot better way. I knew Junkiri hated going to school. She failed many times during her student life and stayed in a class for more than 2 years at times she was in a class for three years also. It took her about 16 years to complete the normal school education; that normally takes only 10 years.  She never finished her S.L.C. also. There are many kind of disabilities. Her case was associated with learning disability. She will make you laugh when she says some of the simple Nepali words and then laugh hard when she tries to tell you some thing in English. But her visual memory was astounding or she used her imagination is another aspect here which I can not remark much then. Some times she tells me the story of the time when I was in Bal Mandir and the way she tells me story makes me wonder, where was I when all that happened ? She swears that I was there in Bal Mandir. But then why I did not know what she knew ? why ?

Did she used her imagination ? or that was she hallucinated all the time ? Experts use the term hallucination to things that happened, when a special child specially some autistics goes through all that phase, which confuses a normal person in normal condition. Most of the autistic child also have learning disability.

Meaning of Hallucination :  a sensory experience of something that does not exist outside the mind, caused by various physical and mental disorders, or by reaction to certain toxic substances, and usually manifested as visual or auditory images.

Was she crazy ?

A friend of mine called me to help him to design a brochures for his school. He along with his wife runs a special children's school. I wanted him and his expert wife to talk more, so that I have better idea, what I should put in that brochure. As he was talking more and more to help me to understand about the special child and their behavior.  While he was talking, it all reminded me so many people, I grew up in Bal Mandir. One name that really stood tall is Kalpana Maharjan.

I think we were in same class, but because normally we are so many in a class that automatically, gets formed in small groups of like minded people; then its so hard to remember who were in my class. Except, some close circle of friends and then the same face also used to be in the same room, so this too added confusion; was she my class mate or room mate ?

Okay, leave the confusion aside. By the sixth standard, we were in the same class. She was a first bench student and I was almost a last bench student. But if you think only a bright student find themselves seated in first bench, her story may surprise you. She was not a bright student, but perhaps attention seeker.

Low Intelligence Knowledge : Her IQ was low, so the teachers avoided her, not  knowing what to do with her. Now I know this, but then I did not. Because she was one of us, and did not look abnormal from any angel, physically; so she was sent to regular school with us.

During the exam, if she got opportunity to cheat; she would start coping it from the first paragraph, instead of coming to the point. Her comprehension of understanding was zero. If asked a question in front of a class and  she did not know the answer, she would let her long tongue out from her mouth.

Confused and Impatience: Once, I was along with my other friend, was waiting for our turn in the toilet. But Kalpana was dying to relieve her. She was impatience and just could not wait patiently like us. She was making noise and banging on the door to come out fast whoever was inside that toilet. When at last, she got a chance to go inside the toilet and as she relieved herself; a loud audible sigh came from her mouth, Prabbbhhhhuuuuuuuuu, meaning [Thank] GOD ! I turned towards my friend and then laugh loud. That kind of act, also give people peace in their mind to thank GOD ? and to remember God to thank, as odd as that situation ? that was Oh My God ! situation. I would be lying to you, if I say, this incident does not bring smile on my face, even today; whenever I mention about it.

She was so confused to give respect to a person or good. “Your call just arrived” in a line simple like this, she would give more respect to the phone than to a person, who got the call, while relating this line and that brought roar of laughter in all of us. That sure confused her more, leaving her to wonder why ?

Over reaction [hyper reaction] : her reaction to a situation can be termed as over reaction or at times its hyper reaction. Another incident which I remember is, she was standing next to a girl, who suffered from a kind of skin disease, that makes them look so white and their hair also becomes blond like westerners. She was busy watching a talents show that was going on in the Baithak Room. Suddenly, her eyes fell on the person, who was standing next to her, she was from another school accompaniying the main performer from her school perhaps. Kalpana’s reaction even scared the one who was watching her from the distance. That person felt so bad [as she too must have been felling so bad about her own disease and it sure must have added inferior complex in her mind too]. She was not aware that Kalpana was mildly mentally challenged. It does not surprise me today, if the person with skin disease may have reacted that children from Bal Mandir are manner less. Today, I know this for sure that, she was speaking from her own insecurities rather than why she reacted that way  and thinking that all are mentally challenged like her.

Loud behaviour : She was loud also. A couple of years ago I was in the Yak & Yeti Hotel with a stall of my own to market my woollen products. This was about a week long exhibition. One day Kalpana saw me on the corridor of a hall . She has been working in this hotel as a maid for so many years by now. She loudly greeted me in excitement I was almost embarrassed. I knew she had nothing to do to make me feel embarrassed, not intentionally, but her loud way of greeting and talking made me so, so embarrassed. I suddenly felt that all eyes, fell on me from the hall.

I knew, she was termed as a crazy, when she was in Bal Mandir by her fellow mates and she used to act just like that; saying loudly this line, “if you treat me like one, I will act line one.”

If only she could have been in good hands who identify her problem when she was still a child and then trained her accordingly, who knows she could have been better in her life.

Note : Kalpana’s mother died immediately after giving her a birth. She was admitted to Bal Mandir, when she was only 22 days old. Children, who come to the earth from a mother who had problems in delivery; also face such fate in their life due to the lack of oxygen flow in their brain during very early stage of life. Just a three minutes delay in flow of oxygen in ones brain can play a huge role in that person life later on. Apart from this there are many other reasons, which make children mentally challenged.

That yellow Bus

I could have been on second standard [about seven years old], when I was selected to study in Kanti Ishwori Shishu Bidhylaya. This means, I was a bright child to get such seat, right ? This school owned by a member of a royal family. Its in her name as this school bears her name. Not surprisingly, they used to give some seats for the children of Bal Mandir; in this school. Then, I believe this school was in Tahachal area, now its in Tripureshwor, its management also has been changed. If my information is correct, Little Angel’s School has taken the management from the Royal Family. This was a primary school then [ late 70s perhaps ] all the royal children used to go to this school. My bother Sukdev Giri, who was a lot more brighter than me and who went to this school earlier than me, had a class mate like, late prince Dipendra Shah and Paras Shah and other whole bunch of royal children. The time is so much in his mind that he has names his first sons name Prafulla, who was his best friend in this school, whose full name , Prafulla SJB Rana, as he still remembers. Ulike him, I just cant remember, who were my class mates then. I guess; I was just too young, to remember their names and also to realise, that they were royals.

We all were required to have our meal by 8:00 am in the morning. The Yellow [small] Van came, perhaps around 8:30 to pick up us, who went to this school. There used to be around five or six children at a time in this school. Withing minutes of climbing this bus, it made me sick and then all the meal used to be on my small frock. As a grown up today I can understand it, if it made sick to all the small children inside the bus, but I was more sick than them.

Then, once I was in school, a lady [perhaps school maid] used to give me a fresh bath in front of a tube well. She used to pull the water and then I was given a fresh bath under the huge flow of water. How many classes I used to miss ? I cant remember. This whole trip lasted only for about a week and then again I was back in my old school.

All I remember is, I got this opportunity twice or may be thrice; damn my bad memory power; or may be, I was just too young to keep all the details in my head. Another things is that there is no one to cross check about it, as this matter makes more sense in my life than theirs, right ? But my vomiting on the bus just spoiled every thing. Even today, I am a car sick, specially when its run by diesel. The smell of it makes me more sick, than petrol run vehicles.

But what is even more worthwhile, for me to remember today is, none of those students; who went to such good schools, made them fluent in English. Sure enough, for some of the bright students, who got good beginnings, also got opportunities to go to a better school than I had gone, later on in my life. But that too did not give them the confidence enough, to have better life and job, in their life. Forget about good job and life, I can say this more confidently, that my English is a lot better than those, who went to all English medium school and rubbed shoulders with the Royal's children and the children of high society.

There are people, who do feel so inferior for going to unknown school, which has small class rooms and their friends are as poor as they are yet they seemed to add up, the inferior feelings in them. Its not that people did not make me feel the same way, when I was growing up. But hey, my plus point was, I was already in Bal Mandir and nothing worked against it. It seems that I had outgrown all kind of humiliation and insult and nasty comments and everything in between. In fact, we used to use one term while growing up in BM, every thing we hear used to go, “straight from one ear to another ear.” Nothing we did hold, in between it. It was a kind of mastering an art of hearing process and letting it go from another, directly.

When I see people, who went to ten times better school than me and went to a lot better college and yet are not doing that well in their life now, only reminds me of its not the kind of school that one attends and food that one eat and the dress they wear and the house they stay in. At the end of the day, what is inside one’s head, is what makes the whole difference. Perception is what one can not buy, and perception is what differentiate you and me.

Ever since, I was out from Bal Mandir, I am always mistaken from the people in my life; that I am from so privileged family back ground. I mean most of my life. And now you too know the real truth. Bernhard Rutz, should feel really proud of me, for he picking up not only all my college bills, but for all kinds of training I asked him I want to do. But still, there is one more truth in all this again........, I grew up in Bal Mandir.

Three days old child

Rita did you get my message, I want to cover your story on my blog, I checked with Rita when I met her recently. “Yeah, got the message; but tell me what kind of story you want to cover on me.”

In fact I want the story that you [ your father ] had more land than Bal Mandir covers. Bal Mandir is spread in an area of 57 ropanis of land all together but her father owned more than 130 ropanis of land. “Okay, but please don’t mention my name in your blog.” she responded.

Like so many other people, who knows my blog pulls readers from around the world; suddenly it made them feel more conscious about the way of their life. Even if, they are living an unknown life and not a single person on the net jungle knows who they are; except some of our own frines from Bal Mandir, who are in abroad and they already know their life story [ well, only in parts].

“Why, whats so big deal about mentioning your real name here ? I counter questioned her. "The people I worked with [which is more than 5 years ago] do not know any thing about me, and I don’t want them to know them I am from Bal Mandir.”

Is this a crime to tell the world that we are from Bal Mandir ? I again counter questioned her, “still....” she said, "why not you give a fake name." “will Rika work ?” I wanted to know, its the short form of Rita Kali. "Why not you mention Rima as my name," she requested, "its the short form of Rita Manandhar" she added, “that's also nice”, I remarked this time. “Radha didi, came up with this name for me”, She reminisced.

“Okay, tell me rich madam, how come you land up in Bal Mandir ?” I shoot my question. “My mother died at the time when she gave me birth”, she said. In fact her mother had died in her rice paddy, when a midwife made a serious mistake, while pulling her. It is said that by mistake she pulled more than a child. This happened in early 1970s. So, in fact midwife had left the mother and child to die, as she was scared of getting caught for her mistake. Was she new or very very careless ? What is not exactly clear here is; that it could have been over bleeding also at the time as her case was not in the hospital but in the rice paddy.

Rita has an older sister, who is about 8 years older than her she was there when all this happened. It is believed that Rita was admitted in Bal Mandir, when she was only three days old [ however Rita told me that she was 22 days old]. When she was around three month old her father also died due to diarrhea. Rita told me that when he was suffering from diarrhea, he was not allowed to drink water which ultimately killed him. They belonged to Bhaktapur, Balkot area.

However, what I remember is the housemother Kedar Shrestha telling us over and over again that I raised Rita Mandhar and Kalpana Maharjan. I had not slept many many nights just because of you two, and I remain awoke so that you two could sleep quietly. Kalpana Maharjan is from Thankot, whose father also had so much land that, he could go to roof and point all of the surrounding area saying, all that lands belongs to me. She had special feeling for these both girls and as she raised them specially because they were so young she could not trust solely on the nannies, besides it also must have gave her a sense of feelings like only a mother can have. Kind of pride women get after raising a child. The housemother, Kedar Shrestha was an unmarried and very strong women.

What I personally remember is, these both girls were somewhat slow on their IQ. Kalpana can be termed as a mildly mentally challenged. She never completed her normal education. But Rita did at least her SLC. Rita always misunderstood me all the time and it was not easy for me then to understand her behaviour. Because it ended up in unwanted argument, I plainly avoid[ed] talking her, even for very simple talk. Now, my friends runs a special school; who helps me to understand why some adult behave strangely. They do look normal like us; yet they are not fully normal as their primitive perception could not developed at the time when they were so young, long before they could form any perception. Lack of oxygen in the brain, sever sickness like high fever or jaundice may cause neuro problems and then the sign can be seen later in life, as they grow. When they start going to school.

Then it was not common to send any child for the specialist opinion whether they were normal or special child and they went to normal school like us. Its only that they could not make the normal standard of the education. there were many like these girls but I should cover their story differently and try to understand it one by one.

Rita’s father was an oil seller and all the money he earned he spent on aquiteing lands, that was his way of investment. A friend of mine, with whom Rita stayed for 9 years, used to help her go and recover her lands. She told me that a piece of land was here and a piece of land was there and a piece of land was other side of the river and a piece of land was in nearby his one relative. So it was big but that gave the opportunists to swallow the land so easily. Besides for some reason Rita’s father had lefe a huge chunk of his lands was left for in her name rather than her older daughter. Here another contradicting lines come in this story, he was just fade up of more and more asking from his son-in-law and therefore he had left more share in Rita’s name ? Was Rita’s sister married at the age of eight ? how old her husband could have been to trouble her when he died withing three months of Rita’s birth ?

“How many land of it you recovered ?” out of all those 130 ropanies, I asked and then added again “....do you have a Ropani of land now ?” “Not much and I sure don’t have a ropani of land. “Do you still have some thing to recover ?” “Oh, yes, just about two month ago my sister-in-law saw a 35 days notice on the paper and we are fighting for that.” she replied.

She recently built and its still on the process of building, her new house and the number of land it covers may shocked to her more than to my reader.

Psychology behind the name

“What is your name ?” I asked him and he replied, “Bhyom.” my reaction was, “what kind of name is this ?, what does this mean ?” he replied, “... it means sky, and I have asked it with my mother for it being so unique and then she told me this.” Suddenly the name sounded more good than before, earlier it did not have any meaning now it bears some meaning to it and at the same time its very good. this is the conversation in almost the first year of my release from Bal Mandir.

But the story was different, when I was growing up in Bal Mandir, the name of my other inmates are mostly Ram, Shyam, Hari, RamHari, Gopal, Shambhu, in boys and Parbati, Sarswoti, Durga, Bhagbati, Laxmi in girls were very very common name and people lost their identities with those mix of names. Those are the name of Hindu God/Goddess; so you might ask me whats wrong with that ? those name never needed much thought when they were given to the one who receive, for me that is the most important thing in life, not just life in itself.

So, not surprisingly, their calling name became Rame, Shyame, Ramri, and so on... Its really hard for me to guess, whether it was the name or the notion behind it; that calling our those names with respect was hugely lacking. Fine, I absolutely agree here; with childhood friends we are more informal in so many ways, including calling them. but those, making it sounding more disrespectful than it, actually needed.

Then, there were Dil Bahadur, Man Bahadur, Til Bahadur, Ram Bahadur, Gopal Bahadur, Dhana Bahadur, Hari Bahadur, Ram Prasad, Hari Prasad, Badri Prasad, Harka, Birka, Kale, Gore, and so on obviously for boys and then Tiki, Junkiri, Dhiki, Dhana, HariPriya, Sitadevi Rammaya, Ram Kumari for girls. And then, there were Saila, Maila, Kanchha, Bisnu, Purna Bahadur, Saili, Maili, Kanchhi, Thuli, Chinimaya, Seti, Jasta, Patali are the name of junior staff at the Bal Mandir. While looking at these names, I think poor people are more poorer in their mentality. They just don’t do any thinking, for a good name to choose for their new born child. It just needs a thinking and taking time to choose the right name for their child but they give the name to their child as if it cost a heck lot of money for a good name and they settle for the cheapest name.

Some people, lets say rich people [those who really love their new born child], do take time to find nice name to their child, as it equally important for them to name their child. Name which has good meaning at the same time it sounds good when they call it in the public.

Some times I think, may be I am just unnecessary sensitive to think this matter seriously. But, yes, there is no doubt, I am sensitive enough to give a thinking of a physiological impact behind a name and also on one’s feel about his or herself. What could we expect them to call us ? Of course, they called us royal highness [illetarate nannies regarded us the children of royals], but only when, they were damn angry with us.

Long time back, I was trying to pull a guy’s attention through SMS, but choose to remain behind the curtain. He was from the work area and he was curious how did I know him so well and and he did not know about me at all. So, he sms[ed] me back instantly, what is your name. I told him to guess; he said he cant. So I counter questioned him, “what’s behind the name, what difference does it actually makes ?” then he said, “it makes a whole lot of difference. Think of the name Ram and also think of the name Raavan and then tell me how you feel about these two names ?”

When I was in college, a friend of mine told me, a friend hers whose name was Rasi, who used to be in her class. “What kind of name is that ?” as usual I was curious, “her fathers name is Ravi and her mothers name is Sita, so her name derives from both of her parents first two letters,” she explained to me in brief. Again that meaningless name, suddenly sounded so beautiful, and touched my heart so much from so deep.

For so long, I hated my own name for it being so common and I thought it never had any meaning also. A friend of mine gave me a dictionary with the meaning of all Hindu name, since then I love my name. Its meaning is civil, polite, diplomatic and decent [ this is so unlike me but like the meaning of it] . Now I think its not common but its popular. But when I came to know this I have already finished my college and started working also. I guess the wait was just too long for me to know the meaning of my name. See, you need to know the meaning of your name and its not even knowingly adds the valued to your self and of course, self confidence also.

But then again my primary concern remain still the same, can you call Bhyom in disrespectful manner or try calling Rasi in that way ?