Injection Machine

I am like most of the people, when it comes to injection. I too get scarred with the sight of needle and will do anything if I can to avoid get injected. But, sometimes we can't avoid the needle piercing our skin with painful way as its a must to save life.

In my vague memory as a young child, I do remember the orange color - it may be the color of burning electric heater  - and then perhaps the health workers are disinfecting the needle on the hot fire before they  gave us injection in on our forearms. Many of my school friends [ from Bal Mandir ] do have that big scars where we got our injection, which bared us for long to flaunt the sleeveless dress during our teen years. That  also remind me how scary it was to get injected in early days. Well, that was 70s era and I was in my early days of school.

Lucky me. It may sound strange but truth is I don't have that scar in my forearms ! Don't ask why, because I am as clueless as you are.

Not being a shy person, I do not hesitate to cry in front of doctors, if I have to get injection or be ashamed to tell him that I get scared to take the injection. Although its very rare in itself.

Once during my college days, I was bitten by a stray dog. Fearing it may be mad dog, I was needed to take rabies injection with its full course. I told the doctor, I am scared to take the injection. He took that feedback and then at the time to inject me he just rubbed the cotton with spirit on my forearms pressing bit hard and then he injected. That small, simple and  inexpensive trick really worked as I did not even felt the pain of needle making the incision into my body.

Of course, not every doctor or nurse is kind enough to be patience with your fear of injection. But, I remember another inject I mean injection machine, when I was young . I was too young to give full description of the disease that had gripped Bal Mandir or the country or the global health at that time. I remember a word at that time, I must have heard it as a reason for that injection. That word was meningitis. May be, we were given that injection to protect us from meningitis.

What I remember very vividly is, that it was not the normal injection tube as we saw as a child or even in use today. Therefore, it tells me that injection machine was under the research phase only. There were white doctors but I don't remember from which country. They made us stayed on lines and then couple of them injected to around 200 children in Bal Mandir in matter of an hour or so.  I think even adult staff were given this injection.

What I remember about this machine is they had to press on the foot pedal to give us a shot and then they were ready to give another shot to another child instantly. Oh yes, they were so nice doctors, as they gave us sweets to engage our small mind before every shot. They would engage us in small talk, like show your tongue, oh it looks so orange and then we would not even know that needle had already made the incision in our skin. They sweet talked into this. That was easily portable injection machine and if I am not mistaken doctors were carrying it without much trouble. But all those memories are really vague.

Its good news that, I do not remember there was any side effects of that injection. Told you I have very bad memory power, but had it been there then there would have been talk of it.

I do not remember it was almost immediately or it was in the following months or after couple of years but after some time there was talk of meningitis like wildfire in school and many school children who attended the school we went which is inside the Bal Mandir premises, falling sick due to this disease. It seemed like this disease once really scared many parents or even doctors here as it spread like epidemic; but we never fell sick to this disease. I also don't remember anyone catching meningitis; even though after taking the injection that perhaps was still under research phase.  I guessed it because of that machine. It was the time when they used to use the same tube to inject another person after injecting one patience. They used to boil needle for disinfection and reuse the same for another patient.

Although, I don't fall sick that easily, but after that I have never ever seen that kind of injection machine in any hospital or clinic here in Nepal not even in English movies.

Sibling Rivalry

“I grew up in palace”, he said. I gave him a suspicious look for that statement so, he clarified himself adding, “of course, my immediate circle of friends know about my childhood, but, there are still a bigger circle of people in my contact to whom  I say, I grew up in palace, it really garners huge interest amongst this circle.” He went on saying, “when I also tell them I studied with Dipendra - the diseased prince - that simply adds my value and importance in this circle of society. I get invited to many churches for more speech, because to them I am simply a best deal compared to others, due to my back ground.”

If you are confused a little bit here, who is this person I am acquainted from royal family, please don't be. This bragger is my brother who spent his childhood with me in Bal Mandir. But he is a notorious bragger, who knows how to blow things out of proportion. Oh sorry, for spoiling his image other than that bragging he is very grounded and humble person, a bible teacher and a writer.

You can see the stark difference between him and me, I say I grew up in Bal Mandir and he says he grew up in Palace. Of course, big rooms to stay and big ground to play was also for me as well as for him and others.

As you have already read in my earlier post all kind of talent competitions which used to take place in Bal Mandir just allowed us to explore our hidden talents and shake our uneasiness to take part in some debate as it was practices very early in our life. All those extra classes after school kept us busy when we were young and energetic and had plenty of time to try all the new things.

I was very   average child and even more average student when I was in Bal Mandir but my brother was bright child and student. I never came close to top ten in my class in my whole student life and he never came second in his entire student life.

He not only used to take part actively in debate competition but he used to win the debate also for almost all participation, used to win prizes for singing never failed in any classes like I did. As a big brother he did told me to take part in those debate competition and mine was so bad participation. So, when I wanted to submit my name for the next competition the program in charge suggested me not not due to my poor performance. It killed me but she was right in her one way too, I was not as good as my brother.

He was sent to other children home which is located at Shifal when he was only in fifth grade. I was in Bal Mandir. Shifal was only for boys and this is less controlled compared to Bal Mandir. Besides this is only for the boys, so to maintain discipline was the major issue to the staff. At the same time some staff were too strict to these boys too. I have a very level headed brother. At least I can say this about him others are I am not close with. Oh, I have five brothers and he is the youngest one close to my age and I am the only girl and the youngest of all too.

Despite all those adverse environment, it did not affect him much in his life. At the tender age of fourteen he found peace with life through religion; which he did after changing his religion to christian.  Unlike me he could not finish his schooling, due to financial reason but still he teaches in bible college, and now a star writer. But before that he is a bible teacher for more than 20 years. That is his first and only mission in life.

Its not important today, whether I can dance or not, its also not that important my career as a singer is not secured. I never took part in any drama as an amateur or professional since I left in Bal Mandir. I do not remember taking part in any competition and then winning it. I can dance and won't hesitate sing when I feel like. I may be not the best to do it but there are worst than me who gives me confidence to express myself when I have to do it if need be and doing it has nothing to do with as a profession. All those classes has a lot to do more of increasing our confidence build too, which as a child I never understood.  

He give credit to all those training which we got in Bal Mandir  or his confidence and ability to stand up in the crowd and deliver his speeches. He admits that he is a performer rather than a preacher.

His first book Mystery of Marriage made him the star writer in christian society here in Nepal, because his first book sold more than other writers book.   Its been published more than 8,000 in less than a year.  His first book is creating a new sales record and that is making him busy now, giving speeches in many churches which requires him to visit different part of Nepal.

This is a small figure in big countries but here even big literary writer hardly cross 10,000 in a year for new book so forth publish in a year and this time its published 3,000 is good news for him.

He has been teaching bible since long. By the time he was at the age of his oldest son, who is eighteen now; he had already started teaching bible.  His work put him in bigger spotlight than mine.

After 20 years I don't know how, but my English is better than him. I am college graduate and he is not. In fact, I am the only one in my family, who had been to college and not my brothers. Poor he, he did not find Bernard in his life as I did. Today I am writer and I have more follower in my Facebook which he has not and I get paid for my article better than he earns from his book. I am writing my blog, suddenly I am on front row. when I share all this with him, it sure has power to make me go silent, oh, yes he keeps loud silence in this matter. May be he is wondering how come me who was so average in every way is coming on front row almost alongside him ? Yes, there is no doubt that his line is a lot different and mine is also but now I am now under his shadow.

I love knitting, of course I learn this in Bal Mandir and I am known in my close circle for my this passion and If I made sweaters, this is very womanly thing and that's what girls or women do here and should be happy doing this kind of stuff. This kind of things is OK with almost everyone, but me writing and my voice reaching far and wide than his is some thing do have power to keep him silence. I never thought, I have anything to with sibling rivalry, by age he is closest with mine but still his way and thinking is a whole lot different than mine.

But, still when I see him keeping his silence, I can't help think is this sibling rivalry ? More than that what I remember very vividly is, this never existed when I was young and average and he was a lot smarter than me.

Jamara

Jamara is a vital part of our biggest festival Dashain, which is sown on the first day of ten long day festival. First day is called Ghatasthapana. We start this festival by planting jamara, which will be used on the tenth day of dashain.

As a child this was really big day for me, first day of long holidays and first day of big festival, first day of joy that nothing could give when we don't have to go to school. ‘Purano’ Dijju, as we call her with that kind of odd name. She was the oldest housemother [ not by age but by years she had spent ] in Bal Mandir, so we used to add that old in her calling name.

She was a newar woman by caste, not the kind that our conservative society accepted to do the puja room and allow her to do big days starting puja. But, she is the one who used to plant jamara every year in Bal Mandir and we used to watch her doing so. This process needed watering it every day twice in the morning and evening and at that time there used to be small puja work.

She used to lift each Chinese flowery printed white color bowl that was used to covered jamara and then water it religiously. She used to be so calm and serene, when she used to do this particular puja. She used to lift one by one the bowls and then water it individually and then after that she used to  put the lid again on the jamara. Normally, to get yellowish color jamara, it was must to keep it covered all day long, otherwise the color used to be green which lacked the festive effect in it.

Children were allowed to enter in this room to see while she performed puja, which lasted  a little more than ten minutes every day, which took place in the morning and evening. Each passing day, it used to grow faster and become taller and when she used to lift the lid we always used to go ooh and aah, not knowing how to react to that fast grow and the wonderful color of it which really mesmerized us.

Jamara is normally sown on the fine sand for special effect on it, instead of normal mud that we can get on earth for growing anything. I don't know, the specific reason behind it or why its done so, but its been going on for centuries may be.

Interestingly what I really don't know is, how the adults, who were so conservatives in their thinking about the caste system and the one who should perform puja or not, who should enter in the puja room reacted to this. More than that, did they [ especially the cooks who are mostly brahmins by caste ] accepted it as a prashad or not; did they put it on their head or not ?

I hope, dashain as a whole is festival for children, more than its for adult. Sure they make this easy, better and memorable for children in so many of their efforts and action. And with 200 children around to accept and put that jamara on our head at the big day of dashain, I never paid much attention to the fact whether some adult put that jamara on their head or not ? their number was so small than ours so minority thoughts or feelings may just have vanished in the majority of interest or feelings.

You see being a child is age of innocence and we don't pay much attention to the things that perplex adult or matters most to the adult than child.

It just feels good to be back in my memory lane and being child, that too in the festive seasons like Dashain.

Changing views

Recently, I watched this very horrifying and moving story of a young boy on crime show that came in Indian channel. It was about a street boy Fahim*, nine years old, who was taken to Alfred Jacobs Orphanage for caring. It was only boys orphanage. When he was taken to the orphanage he was washed, clothed in clean dress and then fed food, that was prepared only for him, not for all other boys who lived in this orphanage. Almost immediately, he was taken to the shelter home, he was forced into child sex for white colors paying clients,who visited this orphanage, purely for this sexual pleasure rather than helping or supporting them without expecting anything in return. This was happening in this orphanage under the direct involvement and direction by its founder, Alfred Jacob, who was an American by citizenship.

The boys who were in his orphanage was sexually abused by mostly rich Americans, who paid handsome money to Alfred Jacob for the same. Some of the visitors also used to take  young boys to Goa or other parts of India during their holiday trip and paid hefty sum for the same to the founder. Remember, this was not as same as the charity money given to run the orphanage.  He was doing all this, in the name of keeping boys from the street. Its so hard to understand some people see money in somebody else desperate condition and yet say it they are doing it for their good.

Unlike other boys, who suffered silently, Fahim did not like the pain he has to gone through. Due to the painful affair and his helplessness also he was not willing to remain silent and wanted to seek help to get out from the total mess he found himself because he could not see any difference in its nature, that his life here was any better than his life on street. Except the angel of looking at it was different.

Once he was out with his white ‘client’, he asked him a Rs and then called an NGO, for this and then the case slowly picked up. Alfred ran out from India during the case. With the help of interpol red corner, he was extradited to India and the case was fought against him. Lower court declared alfred not guilty, because Alfred Jacob could infuse loads of money to corrupt the mind of other young boys who never spoke against him and also to probe the young boy wrong, but Fahim and this NGO took it to high court and it took them 10 years to fight this case but ultimately supreme court convicted him guilty of charge. This case also helped parliament to bring new law to protect the rights of children against sexual abuse.

The other day they were showing  a story about  a mentally retarded teenage girl’s story on crime show. She was so much mentally challenged she even did not know the difference between  sex, abuse, molestation or anything. She even did not know was this normal or abnormal to have relationship with many men.

Then she was pregnant and she was not even aware of it. She herself was in a condition that she could raise that child. So when the top management came to know about it, it they sought the court's order to abort the child. They also investigated who is the father of the child and who is responsible for all this.

It was sad to see in this finding that this girl was not just sexually molested by the most of the male staff of children home like driver, security guards and others but worse than this, these men were charged by the maids in the Nari Home for letting them to play with this girl, where she was kept before she was transferred to this new shelter home run by nuns. This kind of story do have power to shake me throughly from within, for they finding ways to make money out of a mentally retarded girl also.

And suddenly all the things I have been crying for in most of my life that nannies were so mean to us and housemother were so ruthless and disrespecting towards our conditions seemed too pale in front of these two cases and their conditions. We were treated and regarded less than humans at times, but perhaps we do remember things that was negative in its nature longer than the bright side of the society.

I am not saying what I have been in Bal Mandir was not just my issue almost all other person in different orphanage regardless of country or society must have found themselves in my shoes once or more. Its only that the others seem to have gone through a lot worse condition than I have been in Bal Mandir. Suddenly it feels that it was heaven compared to the other places or orphanage and at time even being a part of a family member was worse than my condition to find myself in Bal Mandir. Its just that we don't know that story.

It was not the place or country but the society and its culmination thinking is worse or makes the matter worse than the condition we find ourselves in. I feel good now but it also feel sad that my good feel has direct relation seeing or knowing others bad condition. Law of relativity is funny, I find my self in better condition which makes me happy and I find myself in bad shape who have been in better condition than me.

All I need is a break from this law !

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Note : *Fahim’s name is changed to protect privacy.

Kleptomania or plain thief

• Damak, a young boy was pulled out from the Kanti Ishowri school, where he went to study, because he had come home with a gold chain in his school bag. This is the school where children from affluent class of the society used to go to study. Damak was one of those lucky one who had won his seat, purely due to his good performance to win that scholarship. It was abrupt halt from his scholarship, because a thief like him should not go to the school where the rich kids could not come with gold chain on their neck.

When I grew more, I mean that was well after college, I came to know about the concept of kleptomania and its definition like, an obsessive impulse to steal regardless of economic need. Some say that Kleptomania is the inability to refrain from the urge to steal items for reasons. Psycho dynamic theories depend on a variety of points.

Recently, I saw very interesting story on crime on Indian channel. They were telling a story about a boy and his stealing habit. Santosh as they call him with a given name to protect his privacy, was a son of a man who hold good position in Government office. Its only that his  mother was dead and his father was novice to no how to raise a troubled boy like his son single or at least the story portrayed him that way. Its Indian way of thinking that if a child is raised in a family without a missing parent, they need to blame the difficulty to that missing parent. There are intellect who finds so much sense in that kind of understanding.

No doubt Damak was pulled out from the school, not just punished for the mistake he did; the moment he was caught with that gold chain in his bag. Because, he was growing up in Bal Mandir, so he was a thief. But this was not the case of Santosh.

As a young boy, he used to steal money from his father’s wallet, who did not give him any allowance when he needed or at times demanded for it. As if, that is not enough he even started stealing money from the wallet from his maid that used to work in his home. When things got worse she left the job due to this problem, but relatives of his father pointed at the maid not Santosh for his stealing habit.

When she complained about the problem to the father, he rubbished the complaint, saying that you are making this. During his cross check with his  son, even he blamed it to the maid saying, maybe she wanted to raise and found this way to complain. However, with every loss of money or such complains the father used to find some money in his pockets or his school box but father did not seem to be knowing exactly how to handle it.

As time pass by he started stealing phones from his classmate and started lying to him. His kleptomania never stopped, and when he was in college he stole 4 million in four days from ATM. He by now have become master in hacking pin code from debit cards. He was sharp and never failed in his class despite his keen interest to make money or to have money in his hand like the rich kids have. He wanted to have everything in his hands which rich kids have and enjoyed for granted.

Although, I grew up in Bal Mandir, I do not remember now, that Damak and I were in same class or even in same room. Worse, I don't even know Damak was brilliant enough to be sent to school like Kanti Ishwori. I think he was there only for short period. So, when I wanted to write about it, I had checked it with those who used to go same school. They don't seem to be remembering this incident.

I know I have very bad memory power but this incident has registered there in my vague memory, because I myself was too young to understand this and just too young to pay more attention to further news to this kind of news. Is this that the news was more with the management and not disseminated with the children because when it happen Damak was young too, but what is worth paying attention here is Damak may have been younger than 9 years old then.

When I look back now and try to understand it, with more clarity, that he did not even know that chain was made of gold and it has such and such value in the market. He was just too young to know all that. In Bal Mandir, where we hardly needed any money for this or that, as all our needs were met by others. There was no need to steal gold chain from his classmates but he was a steal and thief and the Santosh in the above case was not regarded as thief. He grew up in family and went on to become a master mind behind the biggest ATM fraud  in India at very young age.

Last time I have heard about Damak is that he have become a good businessman at the age we in Bal Mandir envy, just like the Santosh in the above case. His figure at only 20s became the frame of 40 years old or more. I have not been in touch with Damak for so long and I can't even remember when was the  last time he was in front of me. Here I would like to add that before that gold chain case he was also caught stealing others tiffin box, only food not the box.

Is not this [kleptomania] is a flawed concept that make no sense and trying to give a fancy name to so unsavory of character instead of telling them you are a thief ? Criminal mind is not associated only with poor or needy background, as some psychologist or sociologist would like to inject in our mind by linking some story of Damak or so. It lies everywhere and all we need to do is to pay close attention in that kind of  behavior regardless of their background.