Emotional Retard

Me and Prafulla

 Prafulla is my teenage nephew, who took time to tell me and my brother that we are different, when it comes to show our emotions. He said it just a day before I left my brothers place the next day I reached at Chitwan he left for Kailali and my brother for Kathmandu. Both of them returned  just a day before, I was to leave after my 15 days stay with their home.

“You are so different than others in our family” he started with this line; to which I retorted “what do you mean ? do you think I am from Bhutan ?  

“I don't mean the way you are taking it but, your family is different than our family.” Me and my brother grew up in Bal Mandir, later he was shifted to the another branch of Bal Mandir which is at Shifal.

Prafull, is the oldest son of my youngest brother, among his three children. He just started going to college. He along with other of my nieces and nephews know very well; that I don't get much along with my brothers. I have five brothers and one of them, who was mute and deaf got lost in India when he was taken there by his oldest brother.

“Since when I come from different family ? I thought you are my family”, his way of saying ‘you and your family’ clearly meant his fathers side of family. It kind of offended me or kind of angered me, with that kind of attitude, which he held for us. It raised so many questions in my head, but I choose not to verbalise it. Besides normally mother is someone who comes from outside and they are regarded the ‘others’ in family not the father or his  side of extended family members !

“No, I don’t mean that way, you are getting it wrong way”, he responded fast.

“Tell me, what is the right way to get it” I asked him coldly almost snapping at him. It was interesting for me to observe him, that he had not lost his cool; its only that, what he was verbalising has nothing to be cool about.  

Without losing his cool, he said to me, “you don't talk more like my other aunts [from his mothers side].They talk different things and you talk different.” They take time to mix with them and talk all the things, but all I do is read books and open hot discussion on their God and religion, they are christians and I am not so I have plenty to open [unintentionally at most of the time] hot discussion with him only usually. Besides, I am sure, Prafulla has only one well educated aunt in his home and that is me !

I don't get it, why he wants me to act or behave like his other aunts ?  I am not much interested in ‘kitchen talks’, all I could respond to him, “well, this is me and I am different than your other aunts.”

To his father he said, “ I have observed that when I bring [surprise] cake on your birthday, it does not mean almost anything to you; whereas mommy always gets so excited and happy to receive it.” Sukdev, did not reply instantly, but took time to listen Prafulla and me in another small discussion in the meanwhile, then he tried to clarify him “to me gift on my birthday does not mean anything to react as you expect me to react on it.”

At this point, let me add one more information here, my brother is a christian leader who preaches at his church, others and at mass. Does all kind of missionary work. Would have known his exact position in the church hierarchy but because I am not Christian so not much aware of its ranking. He is nationwide known leader and because of his involvement in local FM and TV channel and he teaching in a Bible college only proves he is not at all; introvert person as Prafulla is giving me the picture. Nothing makes me introvert.

Its not that, I am the only one, who don't gel well with any one of them, the truth is, none of the brothers get along with each other, and none with me; even though I am the last child and only girl in the family. When they need each other, may be the neighbour or other friends can be better help; than own blood brothers, to lean on for many kinds of internal needs. Its not new thing that have come out only recently, its been there for ages. New generations grew up noticing it since long. They hardly visit, their cousins and their uncles or aunts. No one is excited, to visit each other like it happens in other families. Not surprisingly, now, when they are grown little bit, they are verbalising it, what they have been watching it for years.

Me, my brother and his youngest child

Couple of years ago, during one of my visit to Chitwan, I wanted to know, why its so and asked it to my middle brother among the five. He said, “its because of the education system of our country”, his answer zapped my brain from one side, as well as tickled my funny bone from the others, at the same time. I have never ever heard any thing as lame as this but it still has power to tickle my funny bone, every time that answer reels in my head. With this , I have to admit having a stupid brother like him.

But stupid is not that much of a  bad trait in this case, because others, who are older than him are crook, cunning and creep; who lack moral characters, I am more embarrassed to talk about. But may be, we know very well; blood relationship is not everything, we need in life to live. Life teaches us so much more than that and at times we see the different shades of it, just around us. All we have to do is to pay the attention.

When the iconic singer Madonna was filing for divorce, she used the words ‘emotional retard’ to describe Guy Ritchie her husband at that time; from that moments on the words had struck in my mind. Millions of women around the world may have experienced it, how emotionally constipated their husband are, and when so many divorce cases ends in courts, due to lack of communication. It only make me think; geez not all of them grew up in Bal Mandir like me or my brother to be emotionally constipated like that ?

In Germany 56% divorce cased happens, due to lack of proper communication. I am ready to bet all my money, this kind of personality trait has nothing to do with me having grown up in Bal Mandir. Its a different personality of any individual. I strongly believe this, that this is the idea people who grew up in family, have tried to impose in our mind that, we are different than those; who grew up in family, especially when it comes to express our emotions.

Of course, I am different than those who grew up in family, because I am not attached to anyone. I think its a habit not the personality trait and also because, everyone is unique and different in their own way than the other person. Why do I have to be same as others ? Its so boring !

Well Prafulla, like it or not I am your family and you can't exchange me with others. I hope one day you will grew up to know, why its so.