Perspectives

One of the best movie, I have watched in my life, is Anand. This movie is made by Satyajit Ray, the Oscar award winning director from India. 

This movie mainly revolves around two men, one of them was dying with deadly disease and the other man was a doctor, who was attending the dying man. The man, who only has six months to live. This is also a story of a two people’s perspective, of life and how it should be lived. The interesting part of this movie is, the one who was dying is the one who knows how to live, I mean  live in real sense, well before it ends; and the doctor who had whole life to live, was the one who forgot to see the beauty of life and was scared of death. 

Therefore, he was kind of living his life in dark. The dying man did not liked to see death in the eyes and face of the doctor so, he avoided him as much as he could and the doctor wanted him to take medicine on time and realize it well that his sickness is kind of serious and he can't ignore the fact, that he was dying. But, the man who was undergoing treatment refused to live life, as per his doctors assumptions. This is the reason the movie makes worthwhile to watch before you die.  

After watching this movie, I came to understand the meaning of untold or chewed words and language, in fact, body language and eye rolls by top level offers in the Nepal Children's Organisations or the demeaning, disrespectful and undignified words that middle management or junior staff hurled at us, without a slightest hesitation.  Why they never respected us ? Although, they were there to take care of us, but most of them acted, as if they were superior like God. As a child I failed to get it.

Interestingly, when I was growing up child I just did not get the hidden reason behind it, but  I resented people who felt comfortable to hint us that our life was not worth anymore than what it looked like. They always treated like us as if it won't be any better than what was our conditions in Bal Mandir.

Although, I have along with many of my childhood friends, this kind of resentment to most of the staffs who worked in Bal Mandir whether they were top level officers or lowest staff but here I would like to give you just my one person with whom I was in touch long after, my teenage time was over, to understand the gravity her thinking; which I found hard to believe as I learn more and more as I grew older. I would like to say that, this kind of differences was bigger than rich and poor and growing up in family or orphanage, there was more to that difference in behavior.

I remember visiting  Mrs. Shrestha, in her office in Bal Mandir during the early years to collect my sponsored money which included my entire cost of living and education. Mrs. Shrestha was trusted for her honesty and all the money was handed over to her, so that she will give me on monthly basis.  

I still can't forget to shake my head to that question, even it had passed more than twenty years, since she had asked me that question, at the end of my two years college study.

“Do you really have to go to college further ?”  she had asked me this question, when I had told her I want to continue my study after completing my intermediate level. Why she asked me that question and what does that mean ?

I personally don't think anything wrong, if she had felt, we need to work to support ourselves, instead of ‘wasting time in study’, but I have a sponsor who was there to send me to college. why she wanted to put full stop in my study. Fine I was not the good student still graduation is a must for every child.

A Swiss man Bernhard Rutz had come forward to pick up my college bills and help me in more ways than just sending me to college. These two still work together for the betterment of underprivileged child like me.

As a growing up teenager, all, I wanted to do in my life, was to graduate, therefore, I decided to talk with Bernhard directly in this matter. I used to meet him once in a year only that too for a couple of hours only. It was the beginning years of 90s and that was the time there was no email and internet to contact him and writing letter to him was something, used to get lost in postal service or I never used to get letters he wrote for me. So, when he came at the end of 1991, I have enough time to get myself roll in college for the next two years also.

“Bernhard I want to go to college for my graduation”, I simply told him.

“Okay” was the fast and simple answer from him and he did not even blinked his eyes or think twice before responding my request.  It was so different response for my education, from what Mrs. Shrestha had reacted to my keen interest to go to college for two more years.

What is more interesting to pay attention here, is that it was she, who had recommended my name to Bernhard to get this scholarship, instead of me requesting her to find one for me. And that's what, it makes me wonder, why she used to react the way she reacted ? To her I was not acting, dressing or behaving like I should, meaning I forgot, I grew up in Bal Mandir. And it was her job, duty and full responsibility to remind me that constantly; in so many ways than one. Her behavior was hard to understand. Why she did not think it necessary to increase our lifestyle even by a little bit  than we used to live in Bal Mandir ? Even when I was lucky enough to get kind hearted person like Bernhard to pick up my all bill during college and not just education bill ?

One of the biggest effort she made in her life, was to hint me that Bernhard was not my father to lean so close with him. Mistake was already made so we got very close. I have told you, I was not brightest student to get her hints, fast or I resented it so much, I went on different direction than she thought. Today, they call it reverse psychology for this kind of behavior.

Disagreeing seem to be my biggest strength; and if I have to disagree with her, I enjoy doing so; even more. But now I know this for sure, its not just disagreeing with each other. We two have totally different perspective about life and how we should live; just like the doctor and patient in the movie Anand. We both may make sense but its my life so I don't have to nod my head to her thinking and I have a luxury to disagree with her, as she is not my family member and thank God for this biggest gift in my life.

Apart from that, before seeing Bernhard I had not met anyone who loved me and cared for me the way he did. I was his first effort, to  his yet to grow big dream to help children like me and and we both forgot the boundary of the limitations that how close we should be or much distance we should keep from each other. We got very close and it was viewed as almost like a crime by Mrs. Shrestha, I did not get it for so long. 

But I am not going to nag about her behavior, instead I should be profusely thankful to Mrs. Shrestha for her kind of approach, she kept towards me, because it played huge role in my  life. Her view is what,  taught me, that there is nothing called right or wrong thing, just the different perspective of it. When I find things so very right, to her it make no sense and what makes sense to her numbs my deep conscience; and that's the time I stick with my own convictions.