Words not Needed

Dear Bernhard :

I have been holding myself to write this letter for bit long time. The prime reason about my reservation is because it may have power to disappoint you and again its not my intention to do so anyway. Another reason is may be you wont like the gist of it. By now you know me very well, I tell the blatant truth without even blinking my eyes and biting my tongue, as I leave that part to the one who reads it or hears it. I don't talk things or write subject to please anyone. The reason I am taking this chance to write this letter to you is because, you, and only you can make the change in this matter.

Its about dashain party that takes place every year in the children home. Dashain being the biggest festival holds special meaning to every nepali, mostly to those who are hindu. But that is not what I am talking about, whose religion value is what and who celebrate which festival. We all know that every festival has special meaning to every child and it must be celebrated with much fanfare to give children a good memories to carry with them when they grow up.

Have I ever told you that normal food we used to eat in Bal Mandir used to contain stones, insects whether it be rice or lentils. that long white insect with the black eyes used to garnish the topping of our rice. Dust on rice used to cover the cleaning area like snow in some cold places on earth. When I look back now I am certain those were intentionally added to it to make fast money by some corrupt businessmen or the government staff by selling such huge bulk of staple food to Bal Madidir with such adulteration. Because, as a grown up I  have not seen such filthy rice in market even if I have been hard hit financially. And all this was happening when they say the Bal Mandir was one of the richest organisation. Or that's what Mrs shrestha repeats every time I say her, this stone and insect filled rise we grew up eating in Bal Mandir. Some of my friends remembers that how our hands used to smell horrible even after hours of eating our meal, that part I know but cant remember. However, what I remember is the horrible smell, it have power to throw me  up even today.  Needless to tell you one of my effort while I make my meal is that, its smell must not remind me of the food that I grew up eating in Bal Mandir.

However, I sure would like to copy all the delicacies and its variety they used to make during dashain and have it every year to remind me that how good childhood memories I have when it comes to festival, that to there in Bal Mandir. Have I told you before, I have not been any places yet in my life, which can give me better delicacies than I used to eat as a child. Now, it sure do have power to make me think so hard how come they used to manage to give us such lavish food during big festivals like dashain and Tihar as well as other minor festivals too ? Strange it was not the same in other days ? What I remember today is as a child there was only  five curries I used to like and today I can't find that that much curry not to like. The question is what could have been the reason behind it, and how could they manage it ?

Where as when the normal food the children gets in your children home is better than what I used to get in Bal Mandir, then what could be the reason the dashain food is such a huge disappointment ? here I would like to tell you one thing for sure if you or any of the member from the foundation are here in Nepal the food is not that bad but once they don't see their bosses around the food do have a power to tell us some different story.

Lets talk only about the most recent dashain party and not even mix it up with others before. This time it was meatless event, which is so unusual for dashain party, because dashain means meat meat and meat varieties. Mrs Shrestha said it was meatless party due to bird flu. Chicken is not normally used in dashain party and you by now must have been acquainted that goat is our main meat source. Its bit pricy I think it was way too expensive during dashain. But the food these children get does not come from the pocket of those who spends on the meals so why do I even have to hear such excuse. Lets forget it without meat. some food can over shadow the meat item why such food ? Some times I think she forgets that, I do hear you saying that money is not the big issue for you to run your project here in Nepal. But, then why such poorly provided food during dashain party.

Agreed people do get unnerved after cooking huge meal year after year to feed children. I bet even if the project is seeing increasing number of people it is still less than the number of the children they used to feed with so much variety during dashain. However, I can't remember tired face of the people who served us food, when I was child and growing up in Bal Mandir. dashain was celebrated with so much gusto and excitement; no wonder it gave us such a lasting memory in every child's mind for the way it was celebrated.

Here I am not even complaining the quality of food which fails to please my taste bud, and my eyes and refusing to last in my mind for it being so bland and sorry I lost words to explain about the limited and made with lazy mood and zero excitement.  What I will like to tell you that the way it's served and how they put it on our plate.

Knowing they will serve me the big servings, even if I say I can't finish it, this time I had gone there without my lunch. Mentally and physically prepared to finish the huge serving without complaining. Even though, I hate it when they ignore my request not to fill the plate like they do when they serve the street dweller or in jail and then re-fill with huge portion it always falls on deaf ear. It make me feel they presume, I am [we are] hungry for a whole week and all I [we] get a chance to eat only here. When Junior Mrs Shrestha served us the first round of serving she refilled the small disposable plate overfilling it so much that the  freshly cleaned table looked so dirty before we even have started ! Could not help but watch her quietly when she was doing so. when the plate of other lady next to us was cleanly filled. The only difference between her and us was she was not from Bal Mandir or nor one of the children from your home. Prajina, the caretaker with her ever tired look on that day also have the habit of adding huge portion for second serving, I don't know why that makes them feel, they care so much about us. The truth is all that goes in dustbin when the staffs are not watching us. That disposable spoon spoke in volume and I bet their first requirement must have been to ask with the storekeeper give us the most cheapest one you have in your stock ! the spoon seem to be on protest and wanting to say I will break if you dare take  big serving of yogurt. The sweets they served do have a power to tell us they went out to save money on that buying too. you see they don't even needs to use word to make us feel belittle.

Dustbin, crows and pigeons have more hey day with sufficient fillings on that particular day. 

Most of the time I get this thinking, those who spoils the festival foods must be punished severely. Its really offensive and punishable act.

See I grew up in Bal Mandir and thinking of throwing foods on dustbin is not something we accept as good culture. I was not a good child and that on normal day may be it is okay if dustbin too needs to have big day, but I do not remember we used to throw that much food in dustbin, definitely not during festivals time.

I do remember once Mrs Shrestha had told me “this [the children home] is not Bal Mandir”, she is so very right; this is not Bal Mandir.

Bernhard, personally I think, your staff should be told in clear language to do a little more than pleasing their bosses, this should apply from top to bottom. What about the reason they get their job which give them prestige and status in society ?

Warm regards,

Sunita

PS : I know some of my posts on this blog immensely disappointed you but I just could not do anything about that because, I want you to know, I love you and I do I have tremendous respect in my heart for you. Not just what you have single handedly done for me, but also for all those children. However I want you to know this which took really long time to understand, that I respect me too.