- Whatever Michael Jackson said about his changing color from black to white it was because he was not taken at par with white singers, although he was the King of Pop. Tiger Wood was trained by his father at the age of three to be the golf legend because of his fathers determination that the white people would not be able to discriminate black Americans anymore and definitely not his children. Obama was the dream of Martin Luther King who dare visioned the black president for US at a time when black Americans have suffered so much discrimination from white Americans. And Abraham Lincoln who was white but the son of a shoemaker had to face the insulting remarks from his fellow senators reminding him about his father when he stood to deliver his first speech. Well, they wanted him to look at their shoes and told him to repair it. Remember here, by this time he was newly elected President of US.
In the above case its not just about the act of discrimination but determination of those victimized have changed the situation. Was it our fault if some people discriminate us so badly based on our background and make us feel bad for our condition all the time ? And oh yes, they remembers to remind us on every given opportunity like Lincoln had to face or in my case in not said words - that you are raised in Bal Mandir and there is divine punishment associated with your life ? I doubt so. Most of the time people simply pass on what they feel deeply but, unconsciously; and they think we also have to feel the way they feel about ourselves. Fine, the truth is; majority of lower class people still feel insufficient in front of rich people or people in power for no reason. Should all that must add to our inferiority ? Should their superiority behavior, has anything to do with our own low self esteem and then make us feel humiliated for no reason ? If not then what is this ?
This is what I tried to find out in my last blog post. And I keep digging deeper to find more about it. Self esteem is just a state of mind and it is unseemly interconnected with superiority/inferiority complex. What is so interesting is; we ignore the reality that this low self esteem and inferiority complex is not the exclusive property of the people who come from the poor family back ground. I can say this with my personal experience. I know a lady, who used to be in the management of Bal Mandir during my childhood. When I was in college she was the one who was there to make sure I finish my college, keep in mind she was appointed for this job.
Despite her disapproval and resentment of my idea to complete graduation I got opportunity to complete it; because Bernhard who was supporting me for my college study did not see anything wrong if I wanted to complete my graduation. During that time and in the following years, surprisingly, there were times, everything I said used to offend her, and everything she replied used to be so defensive; which kept me wondering for so long. I did not know it then; why she used to react like that and it really took me long what is was. Having been raised in Bal Mandir, I used to think being touchy, fragile self esteem and inferiority complex is our exclusive property but why she was behaving like that and wanted to claim her exclusivity in all that ? There is difference there when they say about fragile self esteem; they make it pride and prestige issue. When they say it was their prestige at risk they fight for the reputation and all we feel insulted and humiliated ?
Oh yes, there are times when we need to know, when not to be the part of such competition and let others win. This is one of that time when they win and I be happy.
Now, we are living in a society where men still refuse to give us equal status in society we call 21st century. This is really shocking to accept. We don't mean to undermine their status and position, we think that we are equal and we should be on the equal footing on every aspect of life. On this gender biased society, one gender is facing tremendous disrespect and discrimination almost like second class citizen compared to male counterpart and this offends the female sex. It is viewed that being feminist is being rebellious. There are some parts in the world which make rules that, she should not have right to vote, choose man for herself, carry mobile, ride car, wear jeans or go to college. Malala a young Afghanistani girl was shot at, when she was 14 years old purely because she wanted to go to school.
What is so interesting to pay attention is the country which bars women from such extremes are the one who do rank among the lowest in the global rankings of the countries in most of the parts compared to other developed nations, which are slowly changing its view on women and openly discussion on this matter. The question is should all this add to our self esteem shrinking to the max and not even have confidence to look into any man's eyes to ask, “why you think so ?” Should we see us from his narrow lence and presume that we are really inferior to men in all sector ? I guess our answer has to be big No !
There is no doubt that, I grew up in a society where people suffered from not just low self esteem but also negative self esteem, which is very hazardous to the growth of a society as it has its lasting yet negative impact on every society.
Self esteem in fact is just a state if mind, and we are what we think about ourselves. Therefore, we are not what other people think about us. If we feel good about ourselves, we do not let others impact our own belief in ourselves. We unconsciously pass our self appraisal to others and people accept or reject us accordingly, in their own unconscious mind. Sadly, this is what I have been unaware for so long.
Back to my childhood, I would like to point out to the fact, that the very people who used to treat us roughly where the people who were hired to take care of us, by those who really wanted to give us better life. Had we not been in Bal Mandir, the staff at the top or lower level would not have got their job, which gave them pride and prestige in the society. This one truth makes so hard to shake my head off even today.
Here at this moment I remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” and when we do not allow people to treat us the way they feel about ourselves; then conflict arise. How I wish, I knew it, when I was growing up in Bal Mandir.
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