Food connoisseur - Chandra didi

I am ok if you call me foodie, because that what I am. My favorite channel is TLC, and my favorite shows are masters chefs USA or Australia I watch all competitions regardless of amateur, junior, senior or star chefs. No wonder, I know most of the famous food connoisseurs that ever graced our TV sets like Nigella Lawson, Dona Hay, Gordon Ramsay, Jamie Oliver, Julia Child or Madhu Jaffrey. These are the personality I know much better than the rock star you are fond of, its just like they are big celebrities in the world and I must know their name. Its not easy for me to remember since when I started having keen inclination towards gourmet food or the art of culinary.

Knowing where I come from and the kind of food I grew up eating, I think its bit unusual for me to be interested in gourmet food or culinary art. Because, where I come from; we   eat somewhat plain food. Cooking to finish the task is more important than knowing the art how to make it delicious or making it healthy as well as making it to please our eyes and nose. One thing for sure working in five star hotel and having bosses who have clear ideas how to cook. Then working in the environment with the people who keep suggesting the party throwing what they should keep in their menu so that their host will talk about it for months to come;  must have gave me this idea of cooking and then learn to enjoy life.

But, before I started working in hotel there was Chandra didi who was fond of good food than the rest of the people in Bal Mandir. If there was a festival or a special day to celebrate in Bal Mandir, Chandra didi was always the one, most wanted person during such occasions. Be it big festivals like Dashian & Tihar or small occasion like making a pickle of cucumber or new type of curry that was never tried out before, she used to come forward with her knowledge to share. She is the first person in my life who I can say knew the the art of culinary.  During dashain, remember occasion even cook used to come to her to seek her opinions asking for how much particular spices to add in the meat and how long they should keep it aside before they cook. She was the one who used to make pickles in big clay pots for 200 people to rejoice for weeks.

Here what I really must tell my readers that, she was not the cook to prepare food for all. She just had the ideas what makes good food and how to make tasty and delicious food. There were cooks, who used to prepare food for all. During 80s era people were very traditional and non flexible to other caste people making food for all. The cook must be brahmin and there is no exception to this fact.  It was not necessary they know cooking or not but they must be brahmin. The interest and knowledge part was given least importance than the caste base work therefore, people gave more importance to the caste not the knowledge. By this standard she was Shrestha woman definitely not the one who are trusted to enter in the kitchen and then make food for all caste people. But her knowledge was trusted to make good food there was no doubt about it.

Most of the time I was mere observer of what she did, Very rarely I was picked up by her to assist her to mash and then mix hot lupsi pulp to mix in the pickle she was preparing. I am not sure for this  whether she used to work in palace cook team before her posting here in Bal Mandir or not but the name she used to take or the process of making some of the dishes was sure not for the common people to enjoy. That I am sure of.

I am really surprised how come I could not make the best pickle like her, when I grew up watching her for so many years ? Now, I really have tried it so hard for many years and then I really can wow anytime you drops at my place for lunch or dinner during dashain.

When I really need to feel good about by treating myself the food I would like to master, it sure is more the food I grew up eating with not the food I watch on TV. When I say   I would like to master some culinary art it has to do  direct connection with to the food I grew up eating during festival times in Bal Mandir. Although, I was not in the age to keep my eyes on those who make it, instead of mastering how to finish it faster than it was made, however its not easy for me to remember when was the year she was not there to help make festival foods. It may be that, because, I do not remember a big day - Dashain & Tihar - without good and quality food on our plates and I must have presumed that she was always there to make sure the food is good. Let me add one more important thing here as long as the housemother Kedar shrestha was there to supervise, she took the task in hand making sure the festival foods do not reduce its quality than the year before.  

Troublesome math

Reading national daily today came with somewhat new sense of relief in my heart. Today the SLC result was out and it said out of approx 500,000 the people only about 44% passed but those who failed in their SLC exam, 43% failed in math alone. This is the highest percentage than any other subjects in schools. I can personally understand this because when I was in school math was my weakest subject. To be honest math was, is and will remain the weakest subject in my life. OK, fine I can do some basics but that's it. I do remember my school days when this was one of the weakest subject and used to put me in trouble; low self esteem in front of those who were smarter in this subject and bad relationship with math and science teacher is one of the reason. Well, maybe, more than me the others around me also was not comfortable with math being my weakest subject.

I could have been about 10 -11 years old, when I sat down with Nee. Her name is Niru but most of us used to call her Nee. Knowing that she was good in math I asked her to teach me some math problems. Remember, I was not very studious girl to go to somebody for help that too when the subject is as boring as math. But, there must have been some strict warnings if we do not do that particular homework in time or I could have been noticed by my math teacher due to my weakness. I don't remember it now for whatever the reason that made me to sit down with Nee to seek help in this matter. So, Nee started with very good intention to help me in my math problems. Opening a book and picking one particular   exercise, she started the class like she had seen her teachers doing it during classes, “suppose X + Y = 5” or something like that. I stopped her there and then asked her, “what is suppose ? why do I have to suppose ?” She looked at me for some time and then changed the word with “imagine X + Y = 5.” I had to stop her there too, to clear my confusion; I looked at her with cats look on my face and then asked her, “imagine, what is imagine and how can I imagine  X + Y = 5  ?.”  

She was very sweet and helpful person and because she was very good in math than other girls in our class and in room also, so she was willing to help me but now she thought to give in when she saw that there is no way she can ever help me in my confusion about math. Because I do not remember another such sit down with Nee and then Math remained my weak subject throughout my school and college days.

Couple of years later, Nee and I was in same room [Bal Mandir]. I think we had been sharing   same room for many years but this time because we were paired up to do some work together so I remember now. The work was to carry the morning and evening plates to the kitchen from our room for a month. We could do it together each time or give one time of the day to  each one, meaning if I do it in the evening then she has to do it in the morning time. It so happened that I was doing it in the evening and we were doing it separately.

One day Nee requested me to do the job morning time instead of my usual evening time, saying she has some other work in the morning time and in turn she will do it in the evening time for couple of days. Her logic was, “why not you do it morning and then I will  do it in the evening.” I had did this just the last evening and now she was telling me to do it in the morning again, so my response obviously was, “but I just did it last evening and I have to do it again this morning too ?” She was trying to convince me that, “anyway we have to do it once in twenty four hour, what difference it makes if its morning or evening ?” But I stick with what I said before “ but I just did it and you are telling me to do it again.”

Nee was very level headed person compared to other girls in Bal Mandir and so tried hard to convince me with her reasoning and problem to understand the situation which I did not get it then. So she may have switched this work with other girl for next month or so to sort out her problem, as I was not understanding. I was not understanding her reading but if I try to look back and try to see it from her angle, it seems that it was more of the thing I was not ready to cooperate with her rather than being confused with time factor issue. One thing for sure, I don't feel bad now about the stupidity of my childhood or teenage mistakes.

Years later, during our rare gatherings I sat down with Nee and then try to catch up our old time, I asked her, “Nee, do you remember trying to teach me math or my confusion with suppose or imagine questions ?”  It seemed that she had forgotten all that but responded wisely like she always does, “what difference it makes if your math was so weak, you are so good in what you are doing and your weakness does not even matter to anywhere and definitely not you !”

I did not know that my childhood friends saw me with so much respect and so high regards for me than I see myself, Now she is right I can say 5 + 5 is 25,  or it could be 2500, nah its not even close it can be 5,000 or 50,000 without much reasoning. Well if you don't believe me then try to put some negative message in your Facebook status that is about our corrupt politicians cursing them to see how many buzz it will create in the society and then see the result yourself in just couple of days.

Mark Zukerberg, you have no idea how thankful I am to your magic invention of social networking site, Facebook. I can be soo wrong in math when I say 2 + 2 is 22 or 22,000 but in reality it will crush all the preconceived notion about the math in reality and in real world.

Uncivilized people or society ?

When I bought my TV set the first channel I was hooked on was Animal Planet and National Geography. In the beginning, I was not understanding why I was liking it so much it even when the ugly crocodiles were tearing the body apart of zebras in muddy water, which were trying to cross the river. The water got muddier when  the crocodiles were taking and turning to tear the zebras before they can convert it into easy bite sizes. I do remember watching it, as if, I have to give exam tomorrow on this subject matter. There was nothing  good in particular about watching it, except for the narration and the passion was put in the document to make it so interesting. I was immensely fascinated, the way animals were treated with so much respect, liked and loved. Above all, they were not  being judged about their wild behavior.

It was more of narrator's voice which was so captivating, with full of respect and understanding for animals, even for their wild behaviors they took before they trap their prey. More I watched, more I learned that many nature conservationists were studying hard throughout their lives about wildlife and their behavior, with so much passion and respect. Interesting, no judgement for its wild and untamed behavior.

As a young child, I was customized to hate animals of all kinds including cats [ it was viewed as a symbol of black magic]. Killing another animal for its food and then devouring it instantly when the blood is still hot was regarded very bad. Now, I was watching it live on my TV and yet not hating it for what it was doing. It was the wildlife in jungle and that's how they manage food for survival. There is no way judging them for the food it manage for living.

Watching these channel has one good point and one bad point in it. I like it the way the wild animals were treated and understood but, I did not like the fact that how badly we were treated when we were growing up in Bal Mandir.

I have been writing about this second class citizens behavior from the staff at the Bal Mandir in many of my posts and then be judged that we are bad, purely because we came from bad family background they ignores that it was the situation that went wrong with us. Many thought the bad things happened to us, because we must have done some bad work in our early life- the philosophy of karma you know. Had I not watched these channels, I would have never ever learned that we were treated worse than these animals. Me being a very slow person to get things fast, it really took me time to get the real reason behind; why I was so hooked on to watch that channel and why I liked it so much.

Like everyone I like being respected and understood. But, I learned something  only after seeing how animals were being treated and respected by humans. and how badly humans treated another human beings.

Honestly speaking, I did not even have heard the word dignity nor I knew the meaning of it  until I went to college. One of my friend was talking about it. Then, I came across this word when she used the another word ‘humiliating’, which was again a new word for me by then. I grew up in an environment where we were not respected, loved, liked yet I was not aware of all this words. Now, its something pretty strange for me to absorbed even today. What I was missing in those days was respect, dignity, right and freedom of being who we are and what we are. To feel good about ourselves regardless of the situation that went bad in our life.  

The channels let me know [without intending] that the it was human's decision to treat good or bad way to other human being or other creature on earth. It has nothing to do with us or our condition and then the book by Gijubhai [Divaswapna] gave  me the glimpse that it was something which even family members were treating with their own children in 1920s India. That in fact, it was consoling to me in so many ways but it was the sign of uncivilized society.

With some exception, we know that that if we treat roughly to the wild animals they are bound to attack us and then harm us. We might get killed under its wild anger. There is no doubt, humans can be very dangerous creature too, if; they are treated worse than animals. I have seen people who has the simple motto in life, “you treat me like one I behave like one.”

There is no doubt that I was not brought up in civilized environment but it seems to me that it was our society not just my environment. If we want to be treated good we must treat others with equal respect. One thing for sure, for best result treat them like the humans ! or in simple language be civilized in your behavior.

Biological Father

I really find it bit odd to share this part of my life, as it being the harsh truth of my life also. But, by now there is nothing which I have not shared with my readers through my blog. Having said that, this also means there is almost no secret which can be called secret of my life. This is obviously because, I grew up in Bal Mandir, a place where only those are kept who has no parents, so this particular truth never bothered me during my childhood there. Of course, there were children who used to feel sad and bad about the fact; that they did not have parents and that's why they ended up in Bal Mandir, I never understand that feelings and I used to poke fun at them and they used to tell me I was a stone hearted person.

I grew up in Bal Mandir and life was normal without family members around. Even though, just like the other teenagers, I also got curious to know something about my ‘family’ too. So, I started asking this question to the older brothers, who used to visit me whenever they could manage. There was one more confusion, I have many brothers, but when I was young that ‘many’ part always used confuse me a lot. For very long period, I was just not sure, how many brothers I have, five or seven ? It was only during my mid teen years, finally I learned to keep the fact in my mind that, I have five and not seven brothers. I was the youngest one as well as I am the only girl in the family.

I really don't understand why this particular fact should bother me because; I am not a family person and I don't seek peace or anything, whatever its called, in the cozy comfort circle of people called family members. I am quite not sure why we used to get curious to know about the people who were related to us by blood. Could this be the peer pressure or this is the point we start feeling awkward about this part of truth in our life ? I guess we get curious in this matter when we get pressed too much by  those around us, who have not just some but all relatives at home and some of the children in Bal Mandir were there even when they have all, but one of the parents is dead - excuse could be anything in both case. So, at one point of life we were pressured to know more about who are in our ‘family’. Undoubtedly, I also started asking them, do I have parents ?  When I was in about seventh grade, I learned that our mother had died when I was three. And yes, we have father, “but he is crazy”, the oldest two must have said so. When they said crazy, I figured that he was mentally ill. Years later I heard from my youngest brother, he was warned about the crookedness of the oldest two by his father before his death.

Madhavpur, Chitwan is the place my youngest brother have choose to settle down. He lives only about 20 minutes drive from the place, where we were born. He had moved there in 1995. He invited me to visited him and his family in 2000 and it was my first visit there. I do not have that good relationship with my brothers and at times it looks like almost like with strangers. But there is no doubt that, sometimes I get unpaid holidays at his place for about a week or 10 days.

It was at that time, I came to know that I had a father who died just about 5 years ago. He had died after I have completed my college graduation. But the fact remains that I have never ever seen him in my life. At one point of life I also lived with my brothers - in fact they always came to stay with me, the place I rented - for short period of time yet I do not remember the fact that he ever wanted to see me or he ever made any effort to come and see me where I stay. It was, as if; he never wanted to be in touch with me or see me.  

Like I said before because, I grew up in Bal Mandir so that fact  did not bother me or break me in any way. I accepted the fact that I don't have my parents and on top of that I was not even close with my brothers - never grew up in family and no responsibility or respect. I have no problem to say our father or our mother, or father or mother but for some reason I am so uneasy and uncomfortable to use the word ‘my father’ or ‘my mother’.

But sometimes I really wonder why this man, who happened to be my father, was never ever interested to see me; when I was growing ? Was he mad with me ? What could have been the reason he avoided to see me all his life ? I asked this question to Sukdev, which I have heard long time back, “was he crazy” ? This could have been the good excuse for him, not to worry about me or my whereabouts. But the answer surprised me, when my brother-in-law said, “no,  he was very very normal  man and died as a normal man. Instead she asked me, “who told you he was a crazy man ?” It was simple  our brothers !

But not knowing him, bars me not to be angry with him for his explainable behavior or whatever reason he may have remained to choose invisible in my life. Some times I think I should have been mad with him if only I knew his thought or belief about me.  But may be for this very reason, I do not think I belonged to him, just because he was my biological father. I have no feelings for him,  no attachment with him, no respect for him, but at the same time I do not feel any kind of anger with his odd behavior; just like I don't expect anything from a stranger !

The Social Worker

• There is no doubt that Dil Shova Shrestha is a good social worker. She did open her heart out to help lots of aging and ailing women, mostly abandoned by their own children when they settled down. So many such neglected and destitute ladies from the street have found shelter at her place. And even policemen recommend them to be at her place, rather than they be stranded on the street. She has been running a shelter home, which is called Ama Ko Ghar. For twenty years or so, she had provided them shelter in her own home and shared food with them whatever she could afford. It was not that she had different kitchen and others ate different food. All of them ate in the same kitchen and the same food. For many years, she was doing it all alone, feeding and providing shelter to those abandoned women but in due course of time, more her story got media coverage others started joining her good cause. Due to those media coverage, her work started getting more and more public recognition and her work was appreciated not only by the general public but she had started getting support from Government as well as from INGOs working in Kathmandu. Recently, I have also read in newspapers that one Japanese INGO have been working to construct a new building to accommodate more and more needy people at her shelter home, so that she could continue her generous work without worry.  

But, one news in Nagarik which was published in February this year, dragging her in sexual exploitation case in her Ama Ghar, got all eye in her social work. Although, she was given a clean chit from court this month - May from the sexual exploitation of the the children who stayed in her home but the report from National Human Right committee, did not give her clean chit to run her home for children, because it was confirmed that she used to send many children to the rich people's home, to work as domestic helper. They were needed to work from dusk to dawn at those places. The  rich took work from them until it broke their back and the pay for it was so meager. Besides she also had sent some of them to some of her relatives place which is outside the valley.

Out of 51 registered children who were at her place 36 children were rescued from her shelter home, the very next day when the news made the front page headline creating a huge buzz in the country. They were transferred to another children home called Sano Paila that is located at Lalitpur. Most of the children who lived in her shelter the victims of Maobadi and were from Maobadi hit zone like Kailali and its surrounding area.

Just a couple of days before, there was one more news on national daily, which revealed that the woman who was once was dubbed as the lady with a golden heart, was not that gold hearted at all. Behind all that clean image of golden hearted social worker, there lied a face of a greedy and an opportunist woman, who misused the donation fund by sending it to her daughter who lives in US and making money from those children who took shelter at her place. Some even have regarded her as  national hero But then, when the news hit that she is different behind her that good hearted social worker bigger mass  of the nation were so furious with her.

Needless to mention, this particular news created so much buzz leading to many debate on this matter in all form of media not just mainstream media in the following weeks and.

At this moment, I am reminded of a saying from Warren Buffet, “it takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you will do things differently.” In fact, it took her almost the same years to get public recognition for her generous work but her greed and discriminating nature - that children at her place should feel ok to go and work with the rich peoples for survival - is what hit her hard built reputation.  What is the worse part of all this was, it all happened when she was getting sufficient financial support to run her generous work.

In my last post about this case, I have blindly guessed [ before the news of audit was published in media ] that maybe she was having a dire need of finance to feed and run her shelter but the monitoring team from Social Welfare Council’s audit team found that there was sufficient surplus of fund from the last years donations. The total cost of running her home was a lot less than in her surplus fund. Yet, the condition of her shelter home’s was not up to the standard mentioned by the child welfare council for the healthy environment for the children.

Here, I am not going to make it any issue, which is for some journalist here; that she is a christian and wanted all the children to believe in christianity and pray regularly . Here I will focus only on her decision to send the children to work with others home as a domestic helper, that too without feeling guilty about it. This is what hits me more than anything that she not providing clean environment, decent clothing and healthy food and other issues that put the social work under the heavy microscope.

I am keeping close eye on this news because, I myself grew up in Bal Mandir, so I really can understand the severity of the situation and the action she must face due to the flawed in her thinking and making her decision to send children to work in home.

But, what is really interesting is, there is no doubt that this [children homes or other shelter homes] is the place, where we can find all kind of people; good hearted, generous people, greedy people, corrupted staff and obnoxious authority who would not buzz from their age old traditional believe in the name of pride and prestige and also those who would like to earn bread and butter in the name of social work.

Its generous intention and good work evaporates to many and the most needy and vulnerable suffer most often if not all the time. there is no doubt that this is the place where power always collide with vulnerability. Luckily I think I am among that group of few lucky ones, because I came in touch with good people in life just because once I lived in Bal Mandir. In the cases like this, we only read about the bad people and bad intention but the good people wont go after the publicity with their generous work, nor people in media give their work any importance to create the media coverage like the one Dil Shova Shrestha got. She is now known as bad lady and all her good work in the past is forgotten overnight. Again the line from Warren Buffet is still ringing in my head.