No lecture please !

Growing up in Bal Mandir was not easy, specially if; I was the one, who hated being lectured or told doing things right way.There were four house mothers, and twenty or so room nannies, all having their own strong option of their own, when it comes to doing this  way only and making sure we follow the right way.

It so happened that, I was [am] not the meek and obedient child to follow the rules laid on my way. Even today, if you want me to do something, just try telling me, you can't do this. I don't like being lectured, I give the lecturer or advisor kind of a cold and strangers look instead of appreciation for the unwanted advice and concern. Kind of the look that cats give to us as if saying, “why should I care ?”

However as a child, I did not know, why I did not like being lectured. I do remember, walking out of the room, when we the mid teenage girls were being lectured by a housemother, Kedar Shrestha. She was so strict by nature, nobody would have dared what I did that day. She did watched me, from the corner of her eyes, when I walked out from the room, when all other girls were silently listening her, with their heads down and some even staring her blankly.

Later on, in my life after Bal Mandir, matter of factly speaking, sometimes, I was not even being lectured. Those were kind words, they were saying out of concern, all in my favour, for my own good, hoping I won't make any mistake and end up in trouble. Because there were no one to cover it up for us [perhaps]. Those simple concern by the people around me,  was also enough to annoy me to the max. It simply perplexed me.  Not surprisingly, I always gave them the cold and strangers look.

When I was hearing, “you should do this or do that or you should not do that” gave me the clear feelings that I am being treated like a minor or the one who lacks the common sense. How come people can presume that I lack common sense ? Do I look like stupid of the millennium ? to follow only the safe way of doing things ?  Its for those who can not take risk and enjoy blaming others for all the things that  go  wrong in their life. I am not the weak one to nag.

It took me years, in fact, decades to understand; why I am paranoid about being advised. First, it was because, I was mostly lectured by those people in my life, who never ever ruffled my hair; when I needed that more than their shallow advice, yet they felt comfortable to lecture me ? why should I take it so easily ?

And my second reasoning amuses my friends now, when I finally was able to put it in words. why ? why I am not expected to make mistakes in my life by doing things, what I want to do and how I want to do ? why can't I do things, the way I want to do ? Why can't I do this my way. Why can't I do things, just my way ? It does not have to be right or wrong way. Even if, my way seems to be risky and not so safe and not perfect. I want to do things plainly, just my way, just for the pleasure of doing thing my way to express my individuality and taste my true potential at times.

Is not is the main reason, I am gifted from God; life without parents, and even grandparents; so that I don't have to keep hearing from them, again and again; do this and do that and this is the right and that is the wrong way of doing things.

For years, I wondered; why I don't have grandparents too, if, I don't have parents ? In fact, when I heard, some middle aged people talk about, saying “my mother or father” it simply annoyed me for perhaps angered me. Asking again the same question to myself, why they have and I don't have who they have in thier life.

It took me almost my full life [now at this age] to understand and then truly appreciate the real value of gift from God. If I don't have parents, then it means; no lecture and if I do not have even grandparents means, I need no lecture in my life. I have liberty to do, things my way, fun way not the right way. Its the pure freedom of life,  not having grown ups around  telling me to do this and do that all the time and every time.

I do watch people, who do not do, wrong things in their life, make no mistake in life and yet wonder why ? when things go wrong in their life. So, I ask myself what's the fear or doubt in self when the results of no mistake and and take all kind of risk has almost the same result ? I strongly believe in doing,  anything my way not the right way. Nobody knows what is the right way because nobody knows, why some things works and why some things does not work. I wonder why over protecting parents don't get it, when they look at us. They get all other kinds  of message but miss this major one.

Those who felt compelled to lecture me, ignored it purely; the God’s way of teaching us to see a situation from the different angle. It is his decision, that I hear no lecture, how come those lecturing me did not get this ? I was child but they were not. Although, I have regret for, I not getting this angle from God, when I was a teenagers, but, I guess this is why we grow up, so that we understand things  today a lot better than yesterday.

Thank you God, thank you so much for the greatest gift of my life, which of course, is freedom. But I am curious God, just tell me how come you know, I hate being lectured ?