There is nothing called fluke of luck

Sunita Giri 2:02 AM |

As I was watching my favorite show, Opera Winfrey, she was talking about the line, which is above mentioned. She probably is the one, who strongly believes in this line and she also emphasized on thing saying you have to work hard to make your own luck.

I really want to believe her words, every bit of it, but there are certain things, that witnessed in my life, which is the force behind for me to think opposite of the saying. I have to admit not my choice though.

I grew up in Bal Mandir the biggest orphanage here in Nepal, as a child I did get a chance to see some children being admitted in accompanied by their siblings. But before they could understand anything, one of the sibling found his or her way to the rich nations after being adopted by childless couples.

Some cases are here : Durga Pokharel and Shanti Pokharel was admitted in Bal Mandir at the age of five and three respectively [approx]. When their mother died and their old father could no longer take care of his 5 children, the youngest two were admitted in the orphanage and two elder sons were given to some rich people to work as domestic helpers and the oldest sister was married, bit too early for her age.

Within months of their admission the youngest sister was adopted by a childless couple from Switzerland, later on this family moved to Sweden when the two children they adopted were still young. During initial months and year the youngest ones obliged new parents used to send the oldest sister chocolates and gifts, which delighted her very much. Durga used to tell her class mates that she has a sister, who lives in Switzerland. They are still in touch, but not personal visit, so its mostly through the electronic medium.  Oh ! yes they still exchange gift as and when time is suitable.

Veena Magar, was admitted in Bal Mandir around 1980; when she was younger than six months. A childless couple from Switzerland, wanted to adopt a child for long just picked her up, among the other suitable children in the group, just when she was about 6 months old.  Veena has two older brothers, who were left behind.

Dhana Magar is Veena’s brother, who got all the financial support for his education from the parents of Veena. The couple were so thankful to have her as their daughter; later on, they gave every thing, Dhana ever demanded.

Today, Veena is a very successful Attorney in Switzerland and her Father [ I am very close with him, as he is the one who helped me to finish my college education and more] really loves to gush out Veena’s achievements.

Dhana, can only envy, her own sister’s life and status she enjoys. They too are the same blood sibling but still their parents name are different, not only on papers but also in the minds imprints too.

Junu Chettri and Ambika Chettri was admitted in the same orphanage. As Junu recalls her youngest sister was about six months old when their mother died. Her mother had been abandoned by her father when she was pregnant with his 5th child; to marry another woman.

After about a year of their admission in Bal Mandir, the youngest sister was adopted by a childless couple from west nation. But unlike other siblings there was never ever any contact with her sister. She only remembers the incident, but she has no contact with her sister ever since she left the country. She can not remember the name of the country where she was taken.

Why same blood siblings, who found their way to the orphanage, one have so different life, country and parents name  and the other one remain in the country ? why such vast difference when they came from the same womb ?

Two blood related siblings and two different life since their childhood, specially after going though the sever adversity in their childhood. All of the adopted children were so young to understand what is going on in their life.

As per our cultural believe, there are certain things in life beyond our understandings, and has connections to other life, more than our own life span - which is called Karma. Sometimes, it  may have logic even though, we don’t understand or lets be honest we do not want to believe.

But realities like this as shared in the above three different incidents, tell us the different stories, and deeper meaning to the saying, ‘its all luck’, than the efforts [s]he put on it. Sometimes, no effort from the side of the receivers; also land them in a dream land. Although all the children were picked up randomly, after the couple having a look at the prospective child available for adoption, but went by the instinct to pick up one as 'their own' and not the other.

Age, in all the above cases was a primary factor for adoption. Landing in Bal Mandir was the reason to a door, that lead them in a far more different life than they themselves have dream or ever imagined. All the children involved in this case was so young to prey, wish or dream to the kind of life they got, yet that’s what they got and they have. A lot more different life than their biological parents could have afford or the sibling living here in Nepal could imagine in their wildest dream.

I, all the time resisted to believe, its written in your hand or on your forehead long before you wished for; and now, I am the one who is sharing this story with you.

Now you decide, do you agree with Opera or choose to disagree with the notion ? 
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What is normal ?

Sunita Giri 2:27 AM |

One of my childhood memory, that stamped in my mind, is of a girl named Parbati Karki, who was about thirteen then, hanging madal on her neck and playing it. while she was playing it she was also wearing ear-to-ear smile on her face. she had the most perfect smile and her eyes twinkling with excessive joy. Due to what she was also able to bring the interesting bit out of the madal.

But the sight in front of her was not a dance nor anybody was singing or any form of entertainment act.

Two girls both about her age were arguing. Nothing serious, as the children of that age do normally; just one word in threatening tone like HO( YES )and the other in response to not threatened by that tone and language Ho ( YES ). There was HO, Ho was doing back and forth from both the girls. What was not normal in this whole scenario was, one girl a bit younger than the other was speech impaired. However her other developments were kind of normal and she used to go in deaf school.

The other girls was mildly mental; compared to other normal child in the orphanage I grew. Children some times can be very cruel to each other, and so they used to call her crazy, her response to that used to be, “...if you treat me like one, I behave like one”.

When I saw the scene, for the first time it made me laugh hard uncontrollably, as a child i found this very funny, amusing and entertaining. Every child who ever passed thorough the passage they were laughing hard and some of the girls made a small circle, around three of them . Each had their favorite and found a reason to support one of them.

This threatening by one and other not affected by that threat was dragged longer, a little bit too long, just because one normal child found it amusing and was playing madal to prolong the process as if it was some kind of entertainment to indulge at the max.

After an hour or so later, when I happened to pass the same passage to enter our room, the three girls were still there, same place and position, but they were tired by now and fun was not three anymore nor the energy of children. Their mouth had dried up and the madal players hand started giving up. Yet,it still fetched smile on my face.


Looking back, now after couple of decades later, the incident that made me laugh hard, makes me think hard; because I am not that thirteen year old girl anymore.

What is normal and who on the scene was acting abnormal ? the two girls, who were not so normal, got stuck up in small harmless and absolutely childlike behavior was prolonged by one normal child’s act who found it so amusing to drag it just a little bit too long , just for her own personal definition of fun and entertainment !

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Be honest to yourself

Sunita Giri 12:04 AM |


Be honest to yourself


A colleague of mine is getting hitched with a guy who lives in America by her family members. The guy sent her mail asking her what she has to say about all this emphasising on positive answer form her.

then she turned towards me for my suggestion.  what should she do, as if i am a relationship expert. So I told her there is nothing harm chatting because you can face your emotions yet you can still catch easily that who is faking it without being involved emotionally on net.

So they with the information they get form face book and their family members they stated chatting with each other on sky-pay or yahoo ID. That guys chews up words with every sentence and uses more …... than words.

more she chatted with him more she felt uneasy and disturbed. I only wondered why she distracted after those hours of chat. She simply could not trust this guy could be the one she should spend rest of her life. During all this both avoided adding each other on their facebook friend. she said she is not getting an inch of feelings for this guy.

Being Mongolians, they are loosely related; so they do come on each others facebook screen yet no request for friendship request even on net from both side. so I told her to pull the plug,  he is not for you.

My readers must be wonder how can i tell her so. I have very simple rule on this you don't have to be Relationship Expert to read the signs, here are 10 more such signs :
  1. if the guy is not picking up restaurant bills he is not into you.
  2. if all the complimentary is generated always after the beer or alcohol consummation do not take is seriously.
  3. if he has just broken up and you happen to be around him and some thing or other leads you two very close then better listens to yours friends suggestion.
  4. if guy does not give you due respect in front of his close circle of people stop lying to yourself saying ‘… but he loves you.’
  5. if you think he has been lying to you for some time trust your instinct.
  6. if the guy in your life keep telling you to change your look, style and colors of your hair or skin , best thing is for you to change the man in your life.
  7. if the guy is interested in your exterior beauty and gives a damn to your thought and opinions, know when to pull the cord.
  8. if sex is followed by alcohol consumption do not make a mistake telling you that is lovemaking. This is pure sex.
  9. if you boyfriend is two timing and you have been pushing it for some time to pull the cord  ask yourself can you trust this guy for rest of your life ? As one of my boss had to put it this way, love may vanish in due course of time but then only trust remains. So know when to call it off.
  10. if the love of your life has another woman in his life besides his mother and you have been blaming her for all the things going wrong. Remember it takes two to tango. Ask yourself  can you really know him that well ? I mean really ?

Men are more confused compared to woman, so you have to take the decision. There is this saying that, it takes only five minutes for a woman to find out after meeting a man; is he right for her not not.

Did you watched the guy named Brad on ‘The Bachelor’ 2010 an American reality show on Star world  who had this opportunity to interact with 25 beautiful women one-on-one for 6 weeks and he shortlisted them into two ?

Did you know what happened at the end ? he just could not pick one of them for a life time. Interestingly, both the women named Jenni and DeAnna was dead-sure he was for her.

One of my friend Amita, keep reminding us that women are emotional fools. And all wise people know this : they do take the decisions with their heart and not from head.

But my other good friend Shilpa, who is far more wiser and brilliant kept telling me all the time, know your self-worth and does he think you deserve it ?

As for my colleague the guy from America is still pressing her to come on chat room on yahoo ID.
 
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article by : Sunita Giri
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