Fear and Intolerance

Sunita Giri 10:43 PM |

In my last post I wrote about the hyper reactive about the sex or sexual activity teenage girls faced, when I was growing up in Bal Mandir. During my grown ups time when I looked back and tried to understand it when they were like that what I learned did not seem much of what I wanted to find the answer I hope you have read it but, that kind of reaction could hot have been interpreted in a way, that they were really concerned, protective or worried about the teen pregnancy.


At some point it really can be understood, why they try to opt for one rule  for all when they don't know what is the best and safest way to protect more than fifty  teenage girls and which reached to that age every year. But;  hoping to dissuade them with telling them the story that tells only negative side of it, rather than educating them about the good and bad side of it, has a lasting impact in the mind of young girls. How it could have so bad impact in their mind and their perceptive about it, in future may have a tremendous effect   to teach us and can create whole lot of problem when the same child grows to be little big but no clarity about it. We all know that that sex has good and bad side they why society is intolerance about taking the initiative about the problem that comes with it ?


It did not took much time for me to see it, but I have to be honest here; I did not know about it then, what was that and why there was such reactions. Its only when, I travel back in my memory lane, this particular incident have a lot more to teach me about the sex, sexual behavior, fear, lack of education, intolerance. There was no doubt that, the young children were taught to hate sex or keep a distance with opposite sex. However, in reality that never happen not only in my or your generation but before and after our teenage time the same fear and preaching was there and will be there around the globe. Yet, there are people who keep preaching about it all the time. Because they were told sex is bad and the attraction towards the opposite sex is not viewed as good until one is married even to unknown person; and the physical relationship is worst form of sex during courtship.


During my last years in school life, it was not about the teenage sex instead it was about two adults who were in relationship. I am not quite sure the man was already married or even this particular lady was married or not. There were many room nannies who were widow or left husband due to abuse at home. What I knew then was, they were not married and if i have to believe the rumor mill then, the room nanny was pregnant. It so happened that this room nanny was in my room which was also called big girls room. There were about 20 teenage girls and they study from eighth  to tenth grade. Prior to her pregnancy, just a couple of years ago, she was one of those who were so cynics towards the girls who used to be cozy with boys with their age.


When I look back and try to understand, I think it was quite normal, if she was worried about the situation, in case if she was pregnant then. It was 80s time in Nepal and the abortion was not easily available in those days, even if she wanted to terminate it to save her from public humiliation.  


Now we have read so much about it that the first three months time is very emotional to the would be mothers. Instead of getting emotional support from her man, which was one of the cook in Bal Mandir. There were four cooks but I am confused which one was she was having affair. I guess both of them feared more about the result of their intimate relation than save their relationship. There was also hushed rumors that she had taken the herbal medicines to abort her pregnancy, which I ‘heard’ did not work. So her worry was mounting. In the coming weeks and months her behavior changed radically I don't know the soft side of her but  her reaction became so stranger than it really should have been.


She was irritated with everything and everyone and to the careless teenage girls who lived in their own self-centered life they paid much attention to the emotional changed she had going on and instead the reaction was much different than it should have been. She started using more obscene words when she was angry. It was not new that that nannies use those words now and then but with such comfort and regularity was something so not expected especially when the twenty and odd number teenage girls were always around her. Both side got more and more irritated intolerance towards each other.


What happened next was stunning. One day when we were having morning meal before school again she burst in one of her obscenity and then it became the last nail on the coffin and then all the girls not just from the one she was nanny resented it and voiced it. In general the normal brawl can be sorted out by housemothers at any given time. But in absence of the oldest housemother Kedar Shrestha who was on leave, it became out of control and the office managers and top level officers were needed to be in the Bal Mandir before the office hour started.


During my fourteen years of stay in Bal Mandir it was the first of its kind that top level officers and managers were needed to come to the office before office hour to sort out the clash between nannies and children. When they hear the both side and they found   Shanti Didi guilty of charge and the managers took the decision then and there to terminate her from her duty. She had to pack it and leave it within hours.


I did not know it then but now I try to understand, why she was so scared all the time ? why so fast decision from the managers ? perhaps the answer to my question is fear and intolerance when it comes to sex or sexual activity within the boundaries of Bal Mandir and real boundary was our thinking ! what is really interesting is this is really have not changed much even after twenty five years later.

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Note : to understand this post in detail please read the earlier post What is sex, taboo, fear or intolerance ?





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