What is sex, taboo, fear or intolerance ?

Sunita Giri 11:10 PM | ,

When I was growing up adult around us, especially ladies; were hyper concerned about we young girls mingling with men of any age. It was not something viewed as normal in any way. They were dead scared about the sexual activities amongst the young children who would have indulged in their teen or pre-teen years. Most of the staff were unnaturally scared about this particular issue and so they used to fill our young mind about the fear associated about sex. Honestly speaking about it, Fear of physical contact or possible molestation was injected in our mind long before, we could even understand what exactly was the meaning of sex is or what the word physical relations meant.  Some of my friends who were having affairs during their teenage, were regarded as the one with loose characters. Their ‘boyfriends’ at times used be the sole subject and reason they were judged and humiliated, in front of others children despite their all other good qualities or good grades in school. And sometimes, even if they were serious about it. I do remember, in my teen years, I was regarded as a ‘good girl’ by some women who worked in Bal Mandir, just because I was never interested in boys/men like my friends and my other flaws was ignored like I was never meek, obedient or disciplined. These qualities just ran from me.  

Before we learned about the meaning of word sex or reproductive science, we were infused about the news of men bring ‘bad’ who come in all size and shape. I remember a housemother  losing her sanity when she tried to unclothe the two teenage girls, who were ‘spotted’ having cozy times with men [god knows who] or it was reported they were ‘seen’ with them. In my vague memory of a young girl [I was younger than twelve]. I see an agitated woman Sabitri Basnyat the most notorious housemother,  Bal Mandir ever saw. She was infamous due to her brute language and crude  behavior. Needless to mention, she was shouting at two girls who were standing in front of her with their heads down, scared and dejected. I cant remember any particular dialogues in this case nor I remember who the men was. Although, I can't remember the clear questions, but the memory of it really haunts me even today. I remember those two girls name clearly and the shout, scream, accusation, and tough interrogation demanding to know the answers of plenty questions. The kind of rough handling to young girls and her ever insulting and humiliating behavior exhibited by Sabitri Basnyat, towards those two girls refuses to leave my mind even today.

Because, they were in the medicine room for check up ‘virginity text’ or something like that; otherwise why on earth they were in medicine room ? I was  watching it from outside the room or maybe I have entered in the room, when all this was happening. It was Bal Mandir in early 80s and showing a little bit respect to the children who lived there was something unheard of there fore one has to go on public for even a private affair like sex.
These two girls, lets call them Meeta and Binita were on holiday after failing to their nursing training. Perhaps, they were almost in their late teen years and used to go to one maternity hospital for some work then. The way they were treated then, makes me wonder to ask a question now; were adult around us really protective or they feared about the unwanted teen pregnancy in the months to come. But, that kind of behavior cannot be interpreted as hyper protective or fear of uncertainty. One thing for sure, I am sure it was not the both, instead was something different. Today, when I am full grown and look back trying to understand what is that ? I can sense there was some kind of hatred and intolerance towards all those children. the truth is that and it was not limited to only those who were regarded as ‘sexually active’ and ready to mingle with any guy at any given time which is a teenage issue around the world.  I still try to understand what they were doing with those two girls ? I doubt they were anywhere close of being either protective or fear of sex.  

That kind of disrespectful manner to treat a problem of and trying to unclothe them forcefully is so insulting and humiliating, rather than; simply asking them it in decent manners but decency was so alien words to us then. Not surprisingly that behavior made me feel so angry and disgusted towards the housemother, therefore, I wanted to inject long injection syringe which was kept on the pan for boiling after its use. I not only wanted to stab it into her fat arms.  not just that I wanted to break it there so it will be hard to yank it off.

Interestingly, Sabitry Basnyat was having an extramarital affair, with a man who was married and have already five children of his own. He used to visit her regularly in Bal Mandir and their daughter Pratibha [who is in police force now a days] was conceived when she was serving her term in Bal Mandir as housemother. Later she switched her 24/7 service to the office area making it 9 -5 only, when her pregnancy could not be hidden and she was taken to the same house where her step resided with her children. Oh yes, she married the same old man.

Today; when I look back and try to understand, was that kind of hyper reactive behavior had true intention to protect us from unwanted situation ?  I really doubt so. Many times, it was pure insult, humiliation and intolerance towards the mistakes [we made]; during our time in Bal Mandir.  It never matter who made the mistake, or what kind of mistakes we made. Because, it was simply assumed we just should not make the mistake.

Has that kind of behavior have ever been successful to keep young children not to be attracted with opposite sex ? Again, I doubt so nor it will ever work, not just in Bal Mandir, because sex is universal truth and fundamental rule of creation of life and children will always made mistake across the world and there will be new way to sort out the problem like condoms or prevention from pregnancy at early stage. But those who make the mistakes will be judged by this all the time. However,  at the same time this is an issue adult has to face in every generation like we eat food for survival.

There was a guy, who I thought will marry and become the father of six children before forty. But he is still unmarried, which made me very curious about this. I just wanted to know why. I came to know about the truth after long time and it has a link of his childhood sexual relationship with his girl when he was not even sixteen. I am told by the best friend of this young couple, that they were in constant physical relationship. Good for them, they knew about the ‘safe sex’ when they were in their teen years ! It so happened that both could not let go of their first love; but, it have more emotional impact and he could not forget his 'first love'. It must have taken him to understand the importance of sex, is language of love and which is biological action and helps to maintain emotional bond between two partners. Sad news for this guy, she moved on with another man. She was over forty when she married first time] after taking long time to make her mind. It all happened when she left Nepal for more than twenty years ago. He still have not been able to move from his past memories.

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