Meet Sunita

“Meet sunita, she is from Bal Mandir.” was one of the line, I have heard many many times during my college days. It seemed that, it was Mrs. Shrestha favorite opening line, and she would not give it a miss to say this line whenever somebody from her office caught me with her. She grabbed every opportunity to say this line to introduced me, to them and those were the people, I have hardly encountered again in my life. Lets say about 99.9% of them, came never ever; in in my life. Still it was an introduction line, which never changed. It all happened, when I have just started attending College.

It was the wake of ‘90s, in the midst of all political stir in the country, which had caused her to leave her job from NCO [ Nepal Children's Organisation]. For some time, she was working in MS Nepal a Danish project, where I used to go to visit her. Those visits were meant to collect my rent and college money from her. Due to her busy office hours, I was needed to go and collect it from her office at Kamal pokhari.

Bernhard Rutz, a kind heart Swiss man, who is now the Founder of Prabina Foundations, used to send money, to her, and then she used to give it to me so that I could continue my college.

Then, for very long long time, I did not get it; why those were her opening lines. But, a couple of years ago, in a board meeting of Prabina House, I was casually telling, a senior member of the board, how our life was in Bal Mandir, especially how we ate those insect filled, shoddy and smelly rice, non-vegetarian green vegetables. Then Mrs. Shrestha remarked that, “I thought, you never liked, to be reminded you are from Bal Mandir.” Then, I said, “of course, I don't like it to tell people, to whom, I will never ever going to meet again, in my life but I do tell people I keep meeting them in this or that way.” 

Honestly speaking, I was never embarrassed or conscious of being raised in Bal Mandir but now it hits me that there were people who were around us to make us feel embarrassed for  our situation. Anyway I was not aware of it then.

Long before, I started writing my blog, I used to tell my close friends in Hotel [ I worked in The Everest Hotel for about seven years]; “you know why I am so strong ? its because I was fed all insect filled and stony rice, during my childhood and that made me so strong, mentally and physically.

Me, not being so smart to understand it fast, I did not get it right, there, in that meeting room, but in my private time, while reflecting her line, it slowly sink  in my mind. Some thing in my brain cracked opened, clearing the blur vision, from my memory lane, which had happened almost twenty years ago. Its now became so clear, I mean crystal clear. when she said I never liked being introduced as a girl from Bal Mandir. the next two years or so, as I used to go to collect money on monthly basis, she kept introduced me that line to every possible person in her office. She knew it, with my body language that, I was not comfortable with that opening line. I was raised in Bal Mandir, so I lacked the confidence to tell her how I felt about it. I could never ever open my mouth, not to introduce me like that, but watched her helplessly; as she kept introducing me like that again and again.

Now, I get it; she did it intentionally, she must have taken joy and pleasure when she did that. It also could be it did not matter to her how I felt it. But, how come it can be fun to shrink somebody's self esteem, who is already too shrunk ?

Note : Read Greed has no depth, to know more why we were eating such food.