Vanishing Respect

Sunita Giri 9:04 PM |

Madam S was telling me an incident, which she had experienced recently, when I visited her, about two years ago at her resident. She is the head of a children home here locally. Madam S runs the operation of children’s home with her children's help but this family is not involved in donation collection, to run this children’s home.

The incident goes like this : one girl [sorry I really forgot her name] was just out from this children's home, who did not returned her school uniform while leaving the hostel, to the hostel in-charge. So, when she visited her after some time, she reminded her to return the uniform. What happened next, shocked her totally, the girl not only returned her school dress but all the dress she had taken with her form the hostel threw at her door very next day. “you know I requested a lady from the school to clear all that dress, which she had thrown at my door.” Madam S said in anger.

“These Bal Mandir Children, you know how they are”, she was telling me as if I am from palace or she instead. This is one line, I have heard it for umpteenth times; and by now I know this that, she uses this line as if its her most possessed luxurious ornament, which she will wear one, to feel so good and also to pamperself when she is not feeling well. She would not miss any opportunity to flaunt it.

I never ever get this to ask her so bluntly, “okay tell me how we are ?” I would not also because that is an imaginary ghost, and that ghost lives in her head and does not exist in in reality. However in the above case, I really could see the anger, the girl felt and then threw all the dress at her door as the situation is only the reaction to once statement, right ?

This next conversation which I had with Madam S, couple of years ago, in the same children’s home will help you to read her mind more clearly.

“These Bal Mandir Children, you know how they are”, she repeated her favourite line again, when she doubted that some the girls from her project, may have been receiving the education fund from NGCC also. NGCC is an Swedish supported organisation, run by Devi Lama locally here in Kathmandu; which provides shelters and college education opportunities to the girls only, once they are out from Bal Mandir at the age of 16 [after SLC].

The doubt was seeded in her mind purely because some of the girls were attending the most expensive college, than they would have got the permission from her. But she revealed the fact of those girl joining the college in her next line, some sponsors of the girls are sending them money directly, by passing her to join the college they wished.

When she doubted that, I casually suggested her, “why not you go to NGCC, sit down together and talk to the lady. Match the both of your list and if some body’s name is on both project, then delete them from one project. its easy you know.”

“I wont do this, why should I go and visit NGCC ? she said in her trademark offensive tone. then she added that, “I know Devi Lama personally and she has great respect for me.” Unfazed by her offensive tone, I again requested her “ then it makes your work even easier to go and visit her and then check your name list does not this ?”

“I will not visit her place, why should I ?” she insisted with her usual irritating tone.

It so happened that, when I visited the children home again in about a month later, I saw a brochure of NGCC lying on her office table. Seeing that, I asked her very casually, “were there any match in names ?”

A very short answer came “No”, which she responded in very absent manner way. It seemed that she had forgotten, she had doubted the need and intention of the girls in her project and the answer was negative. First time in my life, I liked that negative answer coming from her mouth; but the negative answer which came very absent mannerly, was not some thing so normal to me.

I did not react there anything, however that answer gave me more and strong reasons not to respect her further, which was vanishing almost every time she repeats that line, starting from “these Bal Mandir children....”. That line is her passion food to indulge herself to some kind of her mentality, which I could never understand properly in all these years, why she needs such indulgence. As those suspect has no concrete reason to support the truth, yet she would not want to confirm it or admit it ever I was wrong, but it made us feel bad to bone always for no good reason.

More I find the reason behind those baseless suspects and blame more my respect for Madam S is going down the drain.

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