Locked up

“When our mother died, after giving birth to our sister, in just six months”, Junita Tamang*, recalled her childhood memories, “we were admitted in the orphanage. My education was normal, until, second grade but since my sister was sent for adoption, to a foreigner, my study was hampered. My mind was either with her or in my homeland.”

“Whenever, I remember the time, my mother had died, that always makes me angry with my oldest sister.” She went on.

“Why are you angry with your sister and not with your father, who left your mother, when she was pregnant; with his fifth child ?” I ask her, remember, her father had left her mother to marry another woman. For more read: Shadow of Ghost.

“My concern was, if she had called neighbours, while my mother was ailing on her bed; that small act might have, saved her life.” she said and then went on “...but that ‘nakkali, instead used to vanish in the village, to play with other guys. She was the oldest one to look after us, and she should have been, more responsible in the situation like that.” she said.

“How old was she ?” I asked her. She cant remember but figures out that she may have been around eleven to fourteen years old at that time.

I thought, teenagers around the world are known to be careless and carefree regardless of their back ground and country, why on earth her sister would be different ? Then, I asked her again, “Don’t you blame you father ? because your mother was abandoned by your father when she was pregnant and that could have caused her poor health, I mean mentally and physically, which ultimately killed her ?”

“Its not my father, but my grandmother who forced him to leave her; because he was Chettri and my mother was Tamang”, was her response.

“After four children, your father agreed to leave her and marry another woman; because of cast difference ?” I asked her in surprised with angry tone.

“Of course,” She replied fast. “And its your grandmother, who persuaded him to marry with other woman of their own cast.” I pressed her to find true answer. “Yes !” was the prompt answer from her side again.

“And when she died, it was your sister’s mistake ?, because she did not take care of her when she was ailing.” I pressed her more hoping to find some kind of understanding from her as a wife and mother.

“You never know, our mother could have been saved, if only; somebody had taken her to the hospital, which was nearby.” she replied wondering, why I was pressing her too much.

“Can’t you see, its your father who caused your mother that much trouble ? who abandoned her when she was pregnant, with his fifth child. She had to leave her home and travel all the way to Dang from Pyuthan, to work as a farm helper, in a rich man’s house and to look after her other four small children.” I pressed her even harder, with seemingly frustrated voice, while giving her my way of seeing the whole situation and desperately hopeing she might understand it now when she herself is a wife and mother of two grown children.

“How come I know all that, because, I was only seven years old then.” was her prompt response.

“I am asking you now and you are a wife and a mother of two college going children. Why you are blaming your grandmother and your sister and not your father.” I persistent and at the same time could not hide my anger, when I was asking this question to her.

“Our father used to take care of my brothers, that is something for me.” She replied, and then went on “….when I visited my homeland, after getting married, my brothers had told me he had helped them this way or that way and he also had taken some responsibility to get my oldest sister marry.”

“But, not your mother ?”, now, I am demanding more than asking. “No, he married again and from second wife also he had five more children.” She said.

At this point I was so angry with her answer, I was about to say, some thing really nasty like your father is a man-whore ! but did not say that.

“And you still think its not his mistake that your mother died and you and your sister had to find yourselves in an orphanage ? I pressed her more. Now, she cant answer, but used the word ‘prostitute’ for her own sister, even years after the accident happened. She still holds her sister responsible for the death of her mother.

“Today, cant you see your sister, was merely teenager ? you are old enough now to see the trouble your mother was going through, but your father was an adult man and already a father of four children to leave his wife, who was pregnant again with his fifth child ?” Now I thought, I will make her understand my take on the situation and I was not planing to leave her one room apartment, just like that.

She is still not convinced that its her father, who is responsible to make her and her siblings orphans. Her college going daughter was listening quietly, my hard questions to her mother and in desperation to find answer, I turned towards her asked, “tell me whose mistake it is, its her father or her grandmother or sister ?”

“Of course, its your father’s fault.” She replied turning towards her mother. Her response was very prompt and there was no confusion while answering the question. When she said, ‘your father’ there was no feelings in her tone, to give him the respect of a ‘grandfather’.

Her daughter’s answer confused her, even more. She choose to remain silent in returns of my all questions after that.

Now, I see that, why she was not seeing the whole situation as I was seeing and even her college going daughter understood it, as I was pressuring her hard to understand the situation with grownups way, after decades of the situation that made her orphan ( she refused to accept that she was or is an orphan ). That single decision, which her father took to leave her mother, made her orphan.

How should we see this situation ? when his own daughter is blaming it to her own grandmother and calling her sister by names including the word like ‘prostitute’. She is the one, who is refusing to see it from differently. Some where down the line her growth seem to have stopped, in that seven year old child. A seven year old child seemingly lacks analyzing situations. The time had frozen for her, when her mother died which changed her life upside down.

No wonder, I could not make her to understand my version of seeing the situation or lets put it in other way, a mature version of understanding the situation and she is so locked up in that immature state of mind that can not see others point of view in this regard as clearly as we are seeing it.

Physiologist call this kind of condition as a traumatic phase, due to life changing incident that had happened in her life, I mean very early stage of her life. That traumatic stage locked up her growth from inside her head.

* Names changed to protect Privacy.